Page 144 of Habits

Her hand touches my cheek, beckoning me. Smiling, I lean forward, our lips brushing together softly.

“I love you, too, Princess,” he whispers into my ear. “And one day, when it’s the right time, we’ll get a chance to do this again. I know we will.”

Jeanette

“Jeanette, Andrew is here!” Mom yells from the foyer.

“In the living room!” I call back.

It’s been a week since I was discharged from the hospital and things around the house have … changed.

After the doctor told Andrew and me that I actually wasn’t pregnant, followed by my meltdown and finally our lengthy talk and ‘I love yous’, I fell asleep, completely drained from everything that had happened to me the previous twenty-four hours.

When I woke up, both Andrew and Max were still in the room with me, each sleeping in a chair, head lying on the bed. I still don’t know how they did it, but they did. Their sleeping position didn’t look too comfortable, but it didn’t last much longer anyway because Mom burst into the room.

That’s when I finally told them everything, starting with what happened our freshman year of high school. From my social insecurities to the constant pressure to blend in causing my eating disorder. To finding out that Dad was cheating, our agreement, the guilt of keeping it a secret, with the highlight of discovering that Max was dating my so-called best friend and the betrayal of the boy I had a crush on. All of which ended with me in the hospital, being diagnosed and us moving to Greyoford, where it all started again.

Hands wrap around my middle from behind, bringing me back to the present, soft lips pressing a long kiss to my exposed neck. “What has you so deep in thought?”

I tilt my head to the side, revealing more skin for Andrew to kiss, and he complies. Scooting forward on the couch, I leave space behind me for him to sit so I can lean against him.

“I’m thinking about that day in the hospital.” Andrew rests his chin on my shoulder. “Do you think he was telling the truth?”

As soon as I had finished with my part of the story, I saw movement at the door. Dad pushed it open, leaning against the doorway. He looked like he’d aged ten years in one day. And as I looked at him, I realized my heart ached for him. Even after his betrayal and cowardice, I still loved him. He was still my dad, even though I don’t think I’ll ever forget what he did. Forgive, probably, with time, but never forget.

I did a lot of selfish, unforgettable things. Things that hurt the people I should love most in my life, I won’t deny it. I was a shitty husband and a lousy father, but after you ended up in the hospital back in California, I vowed I’d do better. What you saw in the office the other day was a reflection of the past. I didnotcheat once after you caught me that first time. I don’t blame you for coming to conclusions like that. That’s also my doing. I should never have asked you to keep my secret like that. Never. And I can understand that none of you believe me now, but I want us to be a family again. No secrets. No lies. A family. If and when you’re ready.

“I don’t know, babe. I don’t know him like you do.”

“I think he actually might be.”

I’m not sure what happened after that, but when I came home, Dad moved out. Mom needed some time to think and Dad agreed to give it to her. He even suggested couples therapy with occasional family therapy in between. Once upon a time, they were madly in love with each other. How or when it changed, I guess I’ll never find out, but I hope they get it back. No matter the end result, I hope they find their peace with each other and with themselves.

“Are you feeling better?”

Looking over my shoulder, I roll my eyes at him. “You don’t need to baby me. I’mfine.”

“Do your ribs still hurt?”

“Only if you squeeze too tight,” I tease, but his hands let go instantly. “Hey! Put those back.”

I wrap his hands around me again, snuggling further into his body.

“Princess, you better stop wiggling,” he groans painfully. “If your brother sees us like this, he might break something of importance.”

“Like your dick.”

Andrew’s whole body freezes behind me. I turn around to look at my brother standing in the doorway. “Nobody is breaking anything.”

Max is the one who took all of this the hardest. Dad’s cheating. Our parents’ separation. My accident. And the role he played in what happened three years ago.

I tried to explain to him that I’m over it, and he should let it go and forgive himself. He insists he’s okay, but I can see the constant shadow over his face. The moodiness. Spending time in the basement working out and boxing.

He hasn’t forgiven himself for his part in what happened, and I’m not even sure he’s forgiven me for keeping all the secrets.

“If you say so.” He comes in to the room, kissing the top of my head. It’s something he started doing again so I know that even if he’s angry at me for keeping secrets, he still loves me but needs time. “You take it easy. And you.” There is a warning note in his voice as he looks at Andrew. “You take your paws off my sister and treat her like the lady she is because the next time I won’t go so easy on you.”

“There won’t be a next time. I’m not screwing this up again.” His lips brush against the crown of my head.

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