Page 43 of Habits

“Drew?” Her voice raises to a high pitch. Jealous and irritating, how fitting. “He’s messing with her. It’s probably ‘cause she’s taboo. Sister of his teammate and friend. The guy gets off on that shit.”

A lump forms in my throat.

“I don’t know, some of the guys told me he looked pretty pissed when he saw her flirting with the bartender. Someone even said jealous.”

“Drew Hill? Jealous?” The girl bursts into laughter. “Are you fucking serious? The guy doesn’t do jealous. What he does is four things: fighting, booze, weed and fucking. Not necessarily in that order.”

I swallow hard, listening. Every word she says makes my heart pound harder in my chest. Because I know it’s true. The guy is on the path to self-destruction. Even excelling at it.

That’s why you should keep far, far away from him.

“Besides, even if he were into relationships, which he’s not, she wouldn’t be his type. He likes them skinny, preferably blond and with their mouths shut. If his cock is the one doing shutting, even better.”

Her words sting. And even if I know I shouldn’t, I feel my eyes drop down, assessing. Looking for every overly emphasized curve and imperfection.

You’re not going there.

My hand slides over my stomach, tugging down the hem of my sweater.

Just half an hour ago, I was in Andrew’s bed, feeling sexy and powerful, but now… the girl’s words roam around my mind, bringing back my worst insecurities.

My worst demons.

“Anette!” Max’s voice brings me back from falling deeper into my thoughts.

Deeper into my darkness.

I lift my eyes to find matching ones looking at me. “Max,” I whisper, forcing a smile. “I’ve been looking for you!”

“Funny, ‘cause I’ve been looking foryou. Lia told me you disappeared somewhere.”

What else did she tell him?

“Well, I had to use the bathroom, and since the downstairs one was crowded as hell, I went upstairs,” I lie smoothly. “I think I’m ready to go home.”

“You were ready to go home since before we got here,” he teases, fluffing my hair playfully. “I’ll grab my stuff.”

I nod my head, watching him go, the girl’s words still running through my mind.

“Anette?” Max looks over his shoulder, his eyes searching mine knowingly. “Are you okay?”

I want to laugh, but shut it down because I don’t want to sound frantic, and the laugh that wants to come out? Crazy as fuck. So I push it down, willing my lips to spread into a smile.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” The words fall off my lips easily, aid so many times, I’ve lost count. The fakest words ever uttered. The easiest lie said. “Just tired.”

He nods his head, but his eyes stay on mine for a while longer.

Looking.

Searching.

But they don’t find anything.

They never will, because I’m an expert at keeping things close to my heart.

* * *

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

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