Page 7 of Habits

I lean against the locker, my hands stuffed in the pockets of my sweats.

The girl standing opposite me—Sophie? Suzie? Sammy? fuck if I know—twirls a strand of her honey hair around her finger. Pale, shimmery nail polish shining in the sunlight peeking through the windows.

She smiles at me, color creeping up her cheeks. She’s trying to be all shy and mysterious, but I can see the predator look in her brown eyes. My lips curl into a knowing smirk, which she takes as a sign to lean in, put her hand on my chest and bat her eyelashes.

The urge to roll my eyes and yawn in boredom is strong. My palms itch so hard to shove her away and tell her to get some dignity and self-respect and not just crawl all over some random guy.

I know, I’m an asshole. A hypocrite. The biggest womanizer in this godforsaken town giving lessons on dignity and pride. Irony at its best.

Because of that, I don’t say a word. I smile and take what’s being offered to me. And she’s giving it to me on a silver platter.

They always do.

Years ago, I learned that it doesn’t matter how you treat people. If you are good-looking, if you are rich and have connections, you can do anything you want. You can insult, you can act like a complete jackass, and everybody will still try to crawl up your ass. Everybody will still try to be your best friend. As long as you can give them what they want.

So I do what I do best. I take what they offer. I use them, and then I throw them away. And they don’t even mind.

Now both of her hands are on my pecks, grabby fingers holding on to my shirt. Her glossy lips are so close to my ear, I can feel them on my skin.

“You feel like—”

“Yo, Hill! You going to lunch?”

My eyes snap up and look at my friend and teammate, Max Sanders. His gray eyes take me to another day and time when a matching pair of stormy-gray eyes were staring at me with so much heat, I was afraid I’d catch on fire. His frown is soon replaced with his well-known grin.

“I’ll be there in a sec.”

I disentangle her fingers from my shirt and push her away from me. She’s pouting, clearly unhappy with how everything’s playing out, but I don’t give a fuck about what she thinks.

All she can give me is a temporary oblivion. But it’s not enough. What I need is something more. Something stronger. Something that’ll make me forget about all the shit that’s happening in my life. Something that will keep at bay the demons that haunt me.

“Maybe la—”

I don’t wait for her to finish, just turn on the balls of my feet and walk away.

People move out of my way as I pass by. Some pat me on the shoulder or high-five me, congratulating me on our latest game or party. They want to be noticed, want to be known as a friend of Andrew Hill.

I play their game—after all, it’s one of the things I do best.

Inside the cafeteria, I quickly grab something to eat and then start walking toward my friends. They are all sitting at the table in the far corner of the room, the secluded one that in the past seated only Amelia and Brook but is now full.

Since this school year started and the Sanders twins moved to town, nothing has been the same. They both joined their table the very first day, and now with my best friend, Derek, dating Amelia, it kind of became our table. Some guys from the team even join us every now and then.

Sliding into the first available chair, I look at my best friend.

“Dude, you have to stop doing this shit. Some of us are trying to eat here.”

Derek lifts his face from the crook of Amelia’s neck, where he’s been doing God only knows what, to look at me.

His blond hair is messy, and his blue eyes have a spark in them. The goofy grin on his face makes me want to throw up, but at the same time, I’m happy for him. It’s strange really. I don’t remember the last time I felt happy.

Over the years, I’ve acted like a jerk to Amelia. Other girls I use, but I always went out of my way to be mean to her.

When we were younger, Amelia always looked at Derek like he was some kind of superhero. And he always snuck glances and smiles her way when he thought nobody was looking. But I saw it, so when everything with my family played out the way it did, I didn’t want to lose my best friend, too. I was mean and pitiful toward her for years, and Derek was always on the side. Looking but not getting in my way. Until the moment he wasn’t.

I watched them go around their feelings the last few months. When Diamond and her friend messed everything up for them because I was blabbing my mouth when I should have shut up—and because she’s one crazy, fucked-up bitch—I grew a pair and did the right thing. I talked to Amelia and asked her to give him a chance. Something I should have done years before.

In righting my wrongs, I gave him an opportunity to win his girl back. It was selfless and so not like me, but I couldn’t stand looking at his broken-hearted, ugly mug a second longer. What can I say? Even the devil himself isn’t one hundred percent evil.

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