Page 126 of Habits

“Jeanette …”

I take a step back. “Don’t touch me. Don’t you dare touch me!”

The hurt flashes in his gray irises, but I don’t let myself feel sorry for him.

“I’m going home.”

I take a few steps around him, careful not to touch him. Not to touch anybody. Just the thought of it makes my stomach queasy. But I don’t get far.

With the first step, I notice my legs are weak and wobbly, barely holding my weight.

With the second step, I see that the world around me isn’t only blurry from my tears, but also dizzy.

With the third step, I try to reach out to regain my balance, but I don’t find anything.

Only darkness.

* * *

Now

A sob rips from my throat as memories of the past and present mix in my mind.

Fat tears roll down my cheeks like waterfalls, blurring my sight and making it hard to see. My breathing is hectic, fast inhales and shallow exhales make my brain fuzzy and my chest constricts with pain.

Out of nowhere, a bright light appears in my rear-view mirror. At first, it’s only a small dot in the darkness.

A car.

A black SUV.

Just like the one my dad has.

The car is approaching fast and the light becomes brighter and brighter, reflecting in my rear-view mirror and blinding me.

I can hear my phone vibrating in the seat next to me, but I ignore it.

Why is he doing this? I can’t talk to him right now. I need to be alone. Why doesn’t he get that?

I press my foot harder on the gas, and my car speeds up. The light is still reflecting in my mirror, impeding me from seeing clearly through the dark and narrow road that leads from my house into town, and the snow doesn’t help much, either.

When I finally think I’m gaining some distance between us, he’s there again.

The buzzing stops only to start again. Sighing in frustration, I reach for the phone but it slips down onto the floor, still vibrating.

“Shit.”

Holding on to the wheel with one hand, I try to reach for the phone with my other.

I’m going to throw this damn thing out the window.

My fingers wrap around the cool, buzzing metal, and I straighten in my seat when I suddenly feel the wheels give on me.

The phone slips through my fingers again, as I grip the steering wheel in a hurry so I can regain control of the car, but it’s no use.

I slide on the icy, wet road. Instinctively, I start to break, but it only makes things worse.

There is a sharp light coming from the other lane.

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