Page 101 of Rules

Fake it til you make it and all that.

“Not this quiet,” Mrs. Brown continues, not noticing—or more likely not caring—about my need for solitude. “Besides, for all the time you spend here, you haven’t even started working on a new piece since you’ve been back.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what are you trying to say exactly?!” I sigh loudly, exasperated with this conversation.

She stops in front of me, forcing me to look at her. Her arms are crossed over her chest, and although she’s giving me a hard look, I can see the worry in her eyes. “For somebody so young, you’re awfully cranky.”

I open my mouth but close it almost as quickly, the guilt tasting bitter on my tongue. Mrs. Brown hasn’t done anything to deserve my attitude. She’s gone above and beyond to give me a safe haven to come to when I need space and solitude.

Clearing my throat, I say, “Mrs. Brown…”

“There you are!” Lia interrupts, rushing inside like a tornado. Today her hair is down in a wavy mess. Her breathing is elevated, cheeks rosy. “I’ve been looking for you.”

I look between her and Mrs. Brown, not knowing what to do. I should apologize to her, but I can’t do it in front of Lia. Then she’ll ask what’s going on and I’ll have to lie to her. Again.

“It’s okay.” Mrs. Brown squeezes my hand in passing. “We can talk later.”

Nodding, I watch her go back into the art closet, closing the door behind her to give us some space to talk.

Taking one deep breath, I turn toward my best friend. “What’s up?”

“What’s up?” Her eyes narrow at me, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think she’s pissed at me. “What’s up withyou? It feels like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

Then again, maybe sheispissed.

“Lia…”

“No.” She shakes her head at me. “Don’t you ‘Lia’ me. I don’t want to hear any more excuses. I know something is going on with you.”

“It’s been a rough couple of weeks,” I say, not a lie per se, but so far from the full truth.

Brown eyes soften almost instantly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m not sure now’s…” She takes a step back almost like I slapped her.

Maybe it’s better this way. Make a clean break now before you do real damage.

“I can’t help you if you won’t let me,” she whispers.

“Lia...” I wince, the guilt I’ve been feeling over being mean to Mrs. Brown feels like nothing compared to this. I want to tell her it’s not her fault, that I’m doing all of this for her, to keep her safe, but the words die before they even reach my lips. I can’t risk pulling Lia into my world. I won’t risk it.

She shakes her head, not letting me say more. A soft, wistful smile plays on her lips. “I just wanted to tell you Jeanette and I will be studying later today at my place. We’d love to see you there.”

With that, she turns and walks away, leaving me standing in the middle of the room with my mouth hanging open and a gaping hole in my chest.

You’re doing her a favor.I close my eyes, trying to push the pain away.If she knew the truth, she’d understand.

That should make it easier, but it’s not that simple. I hurt her, really hurt her. The best, most genuine person I know.

I know I should listen to reason. I know I should stay away, but knowing and following through are hardly the same thing.

* * *

I’ve never believed I’m an especially strong person, but if I ever doubted that, today just showed me exactly how weak I am.

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