Page 105 of Rules

Once Jeanette was feeling okay, we helped her straighten up and took her to the living room. The food was long forgotten, none of us feeling hungry after all that happened, and there was no way we could go back to studying since the only thing we could think about was the elephant in the room. So in the end, we decided to go out and get the answer to our question.

“Maybe you’re not pregnant,” I say softly, meeting her gaze for a flash before I return it back on the road.

I don’t get a chance to drive often, better yet at all, but when Mr. Campbell was teaching Lia how to drive, he taught me too. And since Jeanette was in no condition to drive herself and Lia was pretty shaken, that left only me.

“Maybe,” Jeanette murmurs, and although I don’t see her, I can feel her look away.

Silence stretches in the car; not even the radio is on to break the tense quiet that has fallen over us.

In the end, it’s Lia who breaks it first. “How late are you anyway?”

“No idea…”

“How can you have no idea?” I grit, my grip growing tighter. If I don’t loosen it up soon, I’ll break off the freaking wheel. “It’s the most basic thing a girl should…”

“Brook!” Lia yells. “That’s enough.”

“I always had a pretty irregular cycle due…” Jeanette gulps loudly. My eyes dart to her reflection for a second. She’s nibbling at her lip nervously, thinking. I want to ask her— I’m not even sure what exactly—but finally I close my mouth, giving her the time she so desperately needs.

After a few miles, she clears her throat and the words that leave her mouth are the last I expected to hear, but at the same time, they make so much sense.

“Due to the fact that I have an eating disorder.”

Lia gasps loudly, and from the corner of my eye, I can see her hand covering her mouth. Then silence falls over us once again.

“Jeanette, I…” I start, but what is there to say really?

“It’s okay.” Jeanette laughs quietly, but there is no humor in the sound. “You couldn’t have known. Nobody does. I didn’t even think…” She shifts in her seat. “When I was in therapy, the doctors told me some of the consequences my actions might cause, one of them being irregular cycles and infertility. But this is the first time I haven’t had it for this long, maybe more than two months. My period is usually late, but notthatlate. Not since… not since the last time things got out of control.”

There is another long pause.

“Have you—” I clear my throat, thinking thoroughly about how to ask the question. “Have you been sick lately?”

“Have I been eating, you mean? You can say it. I know how my disease works.” She runs her hand through her hair. “It’s been… rough. Some days are harder than others, but I’m trying to eat regularly. Healthy.”

Lia turns around in her seat, her hand reaching for Jeanette’s. “We’ll figure it out. Together. We’ll figure it out.”

Emotions swell in my throat, but I push them back. Loosening my grip, I reach back, just for a second, giving her knee a hard squeeze. Then I let go, my hands going back to the steering wheel. None of us says another word for the rest of the ride.

* * *

“So…” Lia drawls. “How are we going to do this?”

For the past fifteen minutes, our eyes have been glued to the brown paper bag that is sitting on Jeanette’s desk like it’s going to bite us if we come too close.

Once we got to the next town over and I pulled into the parking lot, we stayed sitting in the car for a while, quiet. I don’t know what’s been roaming around their heads, but I was thanking God that I got us there safely. After we finally got out and into the store, we wandered around for a bit. I wouldn’t be surprised if people gave us weird looks since we were just walking around, browsing but not buying anything until we finally gave up pretending and just went for it.

Jittery, I tilt my chin in the direction of the bag. “Are you going to take it?”

Jeanette’s face is gray, her fingers clasped tightly in her lap. “I don’t think I can. I’m just so scared.”

“Of being pregnant?”

“That.” She takes a deep breath. “But… what if I’m not?”

“What?” I ask, pulling back to look at her. My mouth hangs open in surprise. Is she for real? She wants to be pregnant? What sane person who’s also a senior in high school wants to be pregnant?

But before I can even try and wrap my mind around it or ask any more questions, Jeanette continues. “What if I’m not? I’m nowhere near ready to have a baby, but what if this is my only chance? The doctors were pretty forward with me; the chances of getting pregnant are low. What if this is my only chance and I’ve blown it somehow?”

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