Page 125 of Rules

“Don’t play games with me, Taylor. There were two tests, and you were there with Anette the day she wasn’t feeling well. If you’re pregnant, I need to know. You can’t just exclude…”

“I’m not pregnant!” I whisper-shout, turning around to see if anybody’s listening in on our conversation.

“You’re not?” He falters. “But…”

I want to run my fingers through my hair in frustration, but realize it’s pulled in a high ponytail. My arms fall down, and I cross them over my chest. “Where is this coming from?”

“When I went home to get Jeanette’s things, I found two pregnancy tests, and since Andrew…” He gulps down hard. “When he came out of Jeanette’s room after she fell asleep… I asked him, about the baby, but he told me there isn’t a baby. Jeanette was never pregnant.”

My eyes fall shut as my gut clenches tight, sorrow washing over me.

“I know we were careful, but I had to ask. You’ve been hanging with Jeanette a lot, so maybe…”

“It’s not me,” I rasp, opening my eyes and looking at him. I can still see those same grays looking at me with a mix of dread and excitement, wonder and fear. “We both took the test. Jeanette was scared, so I took it with her. Mine was negative, and hers…”

His eyes fall shut, a wrecked sound erupting from his throat. Like a wounded animal. Max covers his mouth, his body shaking slightly.

Tears that I’ve been holding in until this moment gather in my eyes. Sorrow and loss I didn’t think possible overwhelming my senses.

My fingers itch to move forward.

To touch him.

To wrap my hands around him.

Hug him and tell him it’ll be okay.

Offer him the comfort he so obviously needs.

But something is holding me back.

Not something. Me.

I’m holding me back.

A jaded, broken girl with the heart full of darkness.

But the part of me that aches for him, for both Max and Jeanette, fights it. Fights the darkness within.

I can’t be what he needs, but right now, I’m the only thing he has.

So I do the best I can.

Gripping his hand, I pull him through the mass of moving bodies.

Away from all the people and all the noises, I take us to the corner, hidden away.

Sliding down against the wall, we touch the ground and I watch the carefree boy I know break in front of my eyes, not once letting go.

* * *

“Jeanette said that doctors believe her pregnancy test was a fake positive.” I barely register Lia’s softly spoken words, but the wordpregnancycatches my attention.

I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. Seeing Max break was just too much. I’ve never felt that kind of pain, never witnessed it, but seeing him fall apart was like being pulled into a tsunami. The pain he was feeling was simply too much for one person to bear. Falling over him and pulling him under. Him and everything and everybody else that stood in its wake.

After spending the better part of an hour with Max, just holding on to his hand while he cried, I didn’t have it in me to go up and face Jeanette too. Thankfully, Lia came down just as we returned to the foyer, saying visiting hours were long over and giving me an excuse to go home.

“What do you mean, a fake positive?” I look at Lia, my damp hands curling into fists by my side.

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