Page 138 of Rules

I don’t see Josephine, but judging by the sound of throwing up, I’d say she’s still in the bathroom.

Not wanting to have another go at it, I grip my bags tighter and walk away. When the door closes behind me, it somehow feels final.

I should have done this ages ago, but I was more scared of what’s waiting for me outside than of the monster I was living with inside these walls. But now I didn’t have a choice, because want it or not, I’m not alone.

Want it or not, my baby needs me. And I have to do right by him because I’m the only one he has.

* * *

“Brook! What happened?” Lia’s eyes grow wide when she sees me standing on her front porch. My phone died, so even if I wanted to call her, which, let’s face it, was out of the question, I couldn’t.

I wish I could have just disappeared, but without money, that wasn’t an option either. That’s the reason I’m here in the first place. While I hid most of the money at my own place—little good that did me—there was a little stash of it here too. Not much, but enough to get me going until I figure out what the hell to do next. Where to go.

“I left something at your house,” I say, entering inside. I leave my duffle and backpack by the door and start climbing the stairs two at the time.

I probably look like a lunatic, but I don’t have time to waste. I have to get out of here—out of this house, out of this goddamn town—as soon as possible.

“What is going on, Brook?” Lia asks, rushing behind me.

The door to her room is open, but Lola is nowhere to be seen. I guess she must be outside because otherwise, she’d already be here, barking my ear off.

The room is impeccably tidy, as always. So many memories hiding behind these four walls that were my home more than my actual house ever was. It’ll be weird never stepping foot inside again. Nostalgia hits me hard, but I push it away.

Going straight for the closet, I remove all the sweaters and jeans that are stacked on the last shelf so I can pull out the hidden compartment.

When we were younger, this was our hiding place, but through the years we stopped using it. Well, Lia did. But I decided to hide something of my own.

“What’s with the cash?” Lia gasps in surprise from somewhere behind me. “Please tell me you didn’t steal it from somebody and hide it in my house.”

I know her comment is innocent, and she doesn’t mean it like that, but I can’t help but feel a pang of hurt. “It’s legit. I worked my ass off to earn and save as much as possible the last few years.”

“Why hide it then? Here of all places? And what happened to your face?”

Putting everything back where it was, I get to my feet and stuff the money into my back pocket, and only then do I lift my gaze to look at her. “Because I knew I’d find it here when I needed it.”

Lia nibbles at her lip, coming closer. “What is going on, Brook?”

I tilt my head back, trying to blink away the burning sensation in my eyes. I can’t cry, not again. “I have to go.”

“Go where?” I can hear the panic in her voice, but I don’t have it in me to soothe her worries. When I don’t answer her fast enough, Lia cups my cheek, forcing me to look at her. Her touch is light, but I can’t help the soft hiss of pain from escaping. “Go where, Brook? You can’t leave!”

“You don’t get it, Lia!” I protest, trying to get out of her hold, but she doesn’t let me.

“Then help me understand!” she yells at me. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her yell at me before. “Dammit, Brook! I can’t be there for you if you don’t let me!”

“That’s the point, Lia. You’llneverunderstand!” I cry out.

“Don’t say it like that…” Now she’s crying too. Cupping her cheeks, I bring our foreheads together. I don’t want to hurt her. She’s like a sister to me, but if I don’t push her away, I know she’ll never let go. I need her to let go.

“You have a perfect life, Lia. You have a family who loves you. You have Derek, who’s crazy about you. Jeanette, Andrew,Max… They’re drawn to your light. You'll go off to college with Derek, and you’ll get your perfect happily ever after. I know it.”

“You’re my family too, Brook.” She hiccups softly, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Jeanette, Andrew, Max, they’re…”

“They’re nothing…” I bring us closer for a split second before I push away. “How can you not see it, Lia?” I ask, pushing my hair out of my face. Some strands are so wet with tears they stick to my cheeks. “How can you not see it’s killing me? This last year, I watched you bloom, while inside I was slowly dying.”

“B-Brook…”

“I watched you fall in love. I watched you open your heart to people and form friends. Friends who belong in your world. I watched people fall in love withyou.”

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