Page 33 of Rules

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I stayed at Lia’s for a little while longer, both of us doing our own thing. Too engrossed in our work to pay attention to one another. That’s what I loved about our friendship; it’s natural. Easy. We both know what the other needs and can spend hours together without actually talking to each other. Our silences are comfortable. Just the fact that we’re together is consolation enough.

I wish I could have stayed there, but the real world called. I had an evening shift at Joe’s Drink n’ Drive—I know, fancy, but beggars can’t be choosers—and Lia was off to hang out with Derek and some of his friends.

She tried to convince me to go with her and Jeanette, but this time I didn’t give in. I couldn’t. No matter how much I hated my job, I had to take every extra shift I could get so I could save enough money. When the time comes, I’ll need it. The thing is, I couldn’t say anything to Lia. Not about the job, and definitely not about my end game.

I’ve never had a good relationship with my mother, but with years it’s only grown worse. She’s become more and more abusive with time, and I’m not even referring to physical abuse, although she did still slap me from time to time, but emotional abuse. I’m never good enough, useless and unlovable, unwanted. I’ve stopped counting the number of times she’s told me she wished she’d gotten rid of me when she had the chance. Getting drunk and high only made things worse, and she did it every chance she got.

At first, it hurt. It hurt so much that I would cry myself to sleep most nights. I didn’t want to accept it. I tried to convince myself she’d get better, that no matter what she says, deep down she doesn’t mean it. It’s all the alcohol talking; she loves me. What mother wouldn’t love her child? Then came the anger. Mean words were exchanged more than once daily; fights were constant and intense. But when all that anger culminated I was tired, tired of fights, tired of anger and tears, so I’d bargain. Both with myself and her. Because maybe if I was better, maybe if I gave her what she wanted, she’d give me what I need so desperately—my mother and her love. Only she never did.

At the time I didn’t understand it, but later on, I found out what it was—five stages of grief. Something people go through when they lose somebody they love or something life-changing happens to them. Me? I was grieving the mother I never had. Accepting the constant solitude and emptiness.

And I just knew that if I wanted to survive, I had to put myself first. I had to distance myself from her and not give in, not ask for her approval, because I will never get it.

Josephine Taylor thinks about one person, and one person only—herself.

So I made a promise, a promise to myself, that once I’m old enough, I’ll walk away. Far, far away, out of her reach and I’ll never come back. I’d rather spend my life alone than beg somebody to love me again. I won’t be that desperate little girl, waiting for scraps of attention somebody will throw my way. I deserve more.

I am more.

Amelia showed me that. Lia and her family. I didn’t plan on meeting her, didn’t plan on befriending her. The only thing I wanted was to help her, but once I did, she didn’t want to let go. She became my best friend. She let me brood, she let me be angry and lash out, not once giving up on me.

“That’s what family does, Brooks.” She smiled that sweet, innocent smile of hers. “They don’t give up on each other. You stood by me, and now I’ll stand by you. Family doesn’t give up on family.”

I never had family, and looking back, I think I wanted to test her. See how long she’d stick by me. Would she still want me to be her friend, herfamily,if I didn’t belong in her perfect little world?

Turns out I was wrong, and she was right. She did stick by me, through good and bad. She and her whole family adopted me as one of their own. They made me open up my heart and let them in. I wanted to resist it, but they were persistent, breaking down wall after wall I’d put up for them until I finally surrendered even though I knew, in the end, I’d still do what I needed to in order to save myself. I’d go away and never come back.

Josephine Taylor didn’t love me, she didn’t want me, but I knew she wouldn’t let me be in peace. She hated having me, but she would be too miserable on her own to let me be.

My shift at Joe’s dragged more than usual. Thursday evenings were busier than the rest of the week; I guess because for some people the weekend began early. I went through the motions, doing my own thing and not causing trouble.

Once the clock struck one, I was more than happy to get my stuff and go home. My whole body ached from the work, and I couldn’t wait to crash in bed. Tomorrow I have to be up for school, then there was a hockey game Lia coaxed me into attending, and then I have to be back at Joe’s for another shift.

At least I’ll be in my bed soon.

As I walk toward my building, I turn the corner and stop abruptly when I see two shadows standing nearby. Pressing myself against the brick wall so that they don’t see me, I will my breathing to even out before I sneak a peek.

I’m not even sure why I did it. Usually, I just keep my head down and move on in a hurry, but something about those two piqued my interest.

A man and a woman standing in the darkness near my building. There shouldn’t be anything unusual about them, yet…

Thankfully, they haven’t seen me. They’re too focused on whatever they’re discussing in hushed but heated voices.

The man grabs the woman by her forearm, leaning into her face. His back is turned to me, so I can’t see his face, only his shadowed, imposing form. He’s wearing a suit, an expensive one by the looks of it too.

What the hell is happening here?

She pulls her arm out of his touch, her hair and whole body swaying with the motion and revealing her face.

Josephine?

Her mouth starts to move rapidly, and whatever she’s saying to him makes him stumble backward in shock. Even from here I can see that crazy, drunken gleam in her brown eyes.

What the hell is happening here?

She keeps talking, her finger poking the guy in his chest, and once she finishes, she turns on her feet and walks away.

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