Page 79 of Rules

No, no, no, no…

But he doesn’t listen; he never listens. I knock Mr. Loopy off the bed in my haste to get away from him, and just when I’m about to fall too, his hand wraps around my ankle, pulling me closer.

His big body falls over mine, crushing me to the mattress. He’s so heavy there is no way I can move with his weight squishing me down. His warm breath tickles my skin, making my hair stand, as my stomach rolls uncomfortably. I can smell alcohol and cigarettes on his stained breath, and I know I’ll throw up. I always do.

This isn’t real. This can’t be real.

Bile rises in my throat as his face comes closer to mine. I try to avert my head, but he doesn’t let me. His meaty lips touch mine, and the tears burning my eyes fall down as I push him away.

Make it stop.

I manage to wiggle to my side just before I start to vomit over the edge of the bed. When I empty what little there is in my stomach, I rub the back of my hand over my mouth, closing my eyes hard. I can feel his anger radiate behind me, but even that doesn’t stop his crazy obsession. Hisdesire.I know because I can feel it, pressed against my behind. A new wave of nausea washes over me along with helplessness.

Let me go… Please, let me go.

His hand wraps around my hair, pulling my head back, his lips pressing against my ear.

“What did I tell you about that?” He pulls harder, bringing more tears to my eyes and making my head throb with pain. “You’ll pay for that.”

My heart speeds up at the unmistakable promise in his furious voice. He’s whispering against my ear, and I learned a long time ago that this is when he’s the most dangerous. Unforgiving.

His hand goes between my legs, ripping my pajamas down and pushing them away.

The realization of what he’s about to do is instant.

No,I beg.Please, don’t… please… stop!

My whole body jolts awake, my hand flying to cover my mouth so I can hold in the scream. I sit up straight, crawling all the way back until my back presses against the cold wood of the headboard. Turning on the light, I look frantically around the room.

Sanders’ house.

You’re okay. You’re safe.

But no matter how many times I chant those words, the fear doesn’t go away. I can feel the wetness on my cheeks, and I know I’m crying. I’ve been crying this whole time. Pulling my legs to my chest, I wrap my arms around them to stop my body from shaking.

I don’t remember the last time memories ofhimhit me so bad. When the nightmares were so harsh I’d wake up crying and screaming. Not in years. But after last night… I run one of my shaky hands through my hair, trying to find some composure. But there isn’t any. Even with open eyes, the nightmare still haunts me. And today, there is no solace in the light.

No hope.

I look at the closed door, nibbling at my lower lip. The room feels like it’s closing in on me, so much that it’s hard to breathe.

Stumbling off the bed, I tug at the collar of my shirt.

I have to get out of here.

But when I open the door and look into the dark hallway, it hits me. It’s the middle of the night, and I’m in an unfamiliar house. There is nowhere to go. Jeanette is sleeping, and it’s not like I can talk to her about any of this. She doesn’t know about my past, and I’m not about to pull her into the mess that is my life.

I’ll be in my room if you need me.

I can hear his raspy voice, like a whisper in my ear. A sense of calm dulls the overflowing panic that’s still running through my blood.

Looking down the hallway to where his room is, I know this has disaster written all over it. I know I’ll most likely regret it when the sun rises, but right now I can’t be alone. I can feelhispresence in the room, and I know there is no way I’ll be able to fall back asleep. Too afraid that if I close my eyes he’ll come back in my nightmares to haunt me. Too afraid that this time around I won’t find the way out and I’ll be stuck reliving my darkness over and over again.

A shiver runs through my body. Swallowing hard, I take a step forward, and then another one until I’m standing in front of Max’s door.

My fingers touch the cool wood as I weigh my options. But really, is there even an option? My palm sides down, fingers curling around the doorknob, and I open the door just enough to slide in.

The room is dark, but I can see Max’s sleeping frame on the bed. Nearing closer, I see him lying on his stomach with his hand tucked underneath his pillow, hair mussed, lines of his face soft. I stand there and look at him, jealous of how peaceful he looks.

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