Page 74 of Rules

Falling down to my knees, the hand that’s been covering my mouth slides down to the base of my throat. I can barely get enough air into my lungs as I dry-heave. I haven’t had anything to eat since breakfast, and what little was in my tummy, I already puked out. Not that my stomach cared.

His warm hands land on my shoulders, and I flinch forcefully out of his reach.

“Don’t touch me!” I yell, not caring if my shouting will wake up anybody. Not caring if I’m making a spectacle of myself.

My whole body quivers, with shock or the cold, I’m not sure. My icy skin is covered in goosebumps and sweat. Just the thought of somebody’s hands on me, even if it’s somebody I know, makes the panic come back in full force. My heart stomps in my chest, a wheezing sound coming out of my mouth like I’m going to choke.

But Max doesn’t seem to care about my wishes or panic attack.

“You’re not alone, Brook.” He falls on the ground behind me, his strong arms wrapping around my struggling body and pulling my back to his chest.

“Let me go,” I plead, the tears that I managed to hold at bay now falling freely.

“You’re not alone,” he whispers again calmly. His chin leans on my shoulder, warm breath tickling runaway strands of hair and the sensitive skin of my neck. “You’re safe. I’m here, and nothing will happen to you. I promise you; you’re safe. I’ll keep you safe.”

He repeats the same words over and over again. His soothing voice should help calm me, but it’s doing the complete opposite.

“You can’t say things like that!”

He has no right making promises like that. Shitty things happen all the time. There is no avoiding hurt. No avoiding darkness when it is swallowing you whole.

I tried once and look at me now. Back where I started.

I try to get up and out of his arms, I even manage to stand on my feet, but he pulls me back. We both stumble to the ground, his body easing my fall, and before I can even react, he rolls us, ending on top of me and pinning me to the snow-covered ground.

“You’re safe, Brook.”

Even in the darkness, I can recognize his gray eyes staring into mine. Powerlessness and determination mix together in those silver pools that draw me in, holding me hostage against my will.

A shiver runs through my body from his intent stare. I should be scared. His big body is covering mine and looming over me, his hands are on my skin, and although a part of me hates his touch, the other, a much deeper part that I’ve tried to bury for weeks, craves it. And I can’t help but hate myself for that.

“Can you please let me go?” I plead once again, knowing there is no use in fighting.

His soft eyes look over my face, searching for God only knows what. “I’ll let you go once you calm down. Nobody will hurt you here.”

“Funny coming from a guy who already did.”

Max flinches back like I punched him. Part of me instantly feels guilty, but the other part? The other part just wants him to let me go.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

MAX

As soon as the words are out of her mouth, I see regret flash in her green irises. But there is no taking them back now. And why should she? She isn’t the one in the wrong here; I am.

Ever since the Halloween party, she’s done her best to stay out of my way. Dealing with the situation by avoiding it altogether. And avoiding me in the process.

Brook’s indifference drives me crazy, and I’m not even sure why. It’s not like it’s different from her usual MO. I used to brush it off, but lately her nonchalance irritates me beyond belief.

Jumping to my feet, I put so much needed distance between us.

“Max, I—”

Shaking my head, I run my fingers through my hair, frustrated. “No, you are right. I did hurt you, and for that I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough, Brook, but know it’s true. I was drunk that night…”

“Max.” She sits up straight, hoping to interrupt me, but I don’t let her.

“It’s a shitty excuse, but it’s the only one I have. I was drunk; my emotions were all over the place and I did a really shitty thing I’ll regret for the rest of my life. And I’m not saying that so you feel obligated to forgive me.”

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