Page 86 of Rules

“I know, but I’ve been making do for so long…”

I nod my head in understanding. When you’re hiding something for as long as we both have, it’s hard to open up to other people, especially if you yourself view your secret as a weakness.

It’s funny, because for all our differences, at the end of the day, Max and I are more similar than either of us thought possible.

Giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, I whisper, “I can help you. For as long as you need, I’ll be there.”

Side by side, we lie and stare at each other, the only connection our intertwined fingers. With our demons at bay, if only temporarily, we bare our souls to one another.

“Me too, Firecracker,” Max whispers back. “Me too.”

In this moment, we live in now. If only now could last forever.

* * *

Being with the Sanders twins made it easy to forget about the outside world waiting for me, and I decided to stay ignorant for as long as possible. Once Max and I managed to get ourselves off the floor, we went back upstairs to take a shower. This time, I asked Jeanette for a change of clothes since mine were dirty and Max’s were simply too big.

Jeanette looked at us with interest when we barged into her bedroom, not too happy to be woken up, even though it was well past noon. Max insisted it’s normal for her to sleep in and be grumpy when she wakes up, but there was something else about her. There wasn’t the usual fire in her eyes. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what was wrong, but I knew her enough to know something was happening and she didn’t want to talk about it, so I decided not to ask too many questions.

After the shower, we all went downstairs to eat something and then we curled up in the media room and spent the afternoon watching movies. I was surprised that, yet again, their parents weren’t home. Apparently, their dad was working and their mom went out to have lunch at the county club with their grandma, who was visiting over the holidays. Still, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that this was their normal. That their parents are always out doing their own thing and leaving the twins to fend for themselves.

I always thought that if you have a real home, family and money, you have it easy, but I’m starting to doubt that. On the surface, Max and Jeanette seem to have it all, but when you look deeper, you can see the cracks in the perfection they portray to the outside world. I’ve been dealt a shitty hand when it comes to my family and upbringing, but even though they have both parents and everything money can buy, they are still lonely. We’re all broken and jaded in our own way. The only difference is, some of us are better than others at covering it up. There are some exceptions, like Lia and her family, but those people are few and far between.

“I should go home,” I say, looking at the sun setting through the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlook their backyard. The orange glow makes the snow that had fallen the day before shine brightly.

Max’s hands squeeze tighter around my middle, pulling me further into his chest. “Nope, not yet.”

“Maaax!” Self-consciously, I look toward the doorway, expecting somebody to come any second now, although rationally I know there is no one in the house. Jeanette was watching Netflix with us for a while, but decided to go to her own room eventually, and his parents are out. But with my luck, that doesn’t mean anything. Our friends were already giving us knowing looks, and that was before something was happening between us.

Is something happening between you now?

I want to deny it. The words are on the tip of my tongue, ready to lash out, but something is holding me back.

Looking over my shoulder, I meet his warm gaze. “I should go before somebody comes.”

“Nobody will come,” he reassures me, his eyes growing darker, voice husky. “Stay.”

My whole body shudders when his warm breath touches my skin, my stomach clenching in anticipation that the look in his eyes brings.

His fingers dance over my cheek, slowly grazing my skin, tracing the line of my cheekbone and jaw. His thumb caresses my lower lip and I can’t help the sharp inhale. Nibbling at my lower lip, I watch his eyes fall down to my mouth.

Shifting in his seat, his hands help me turn around so I’m straddling his hips.

Max groans at the first feel of our bodies touching. His hips thrust forward on their own accord and I can feel his hard length press against my center.

He grabs my cheeks, his forehead pressing to mine.

Letting my lip pop out, I whisper, “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

Our lips almost but not quite touching. So close, yet far away.

“We totally should,” Max counters.

I want to disagree once again, but the words won’t come out. This constant tension, this uncertainty, between us, is killing me. Every time we’re in the same room, every time our eyes lock even with the distance between us, it feels like all the air is sucked from the space. It’s hard to breathe.

If only it were mutual.

My fingertips brush against his cheek tentatively. “You don’t want me. Not really.”

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