I took a deep breath, feeling the words stick in my throat like jagged stones. "I found out I was pregnant," I finally managed to say, my voice breaking. "With Thomas's baby."
Her eyes widened in shock, but she didn't interrupt. She just reached out and took my hand again, her grip firmer this time.
"I... I lost the baby," I continued, the tears flowing freely now. "A few weeks after I found out. Mom, I lost — I didn't even know what happened. I went to work, and I started feeling moisture…There wasn't even cramps. Not at first. And I checked. I was bleeding. Mom, I was bleeding. I didn't understand what happened. I didn't even have my first appointment yet, so they wouldn't see me. They wouldn't check… I had to go to a clinic, and… and they couldn't confirm. They took my blood, but I had to come back in two days. If my levels were dropping…" I shook my head. "I knew, though. Deep down, I knew. I couldn't function in those forty-eight hours. And when I saw the number…" I choked on a sob. "I didn't understand why this was happening. It felt like I was being punished. They couldn't tell me either, only that it's more common than people think and that I could probably have healthy children."
My mother's face crumpled with sorrow, and she pulled me into a tight embrace. The warmth of her hug was both comforting and overwhelming.
"Oh, Ally," she whispered into my hair, her voice thick with emotion. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that." She sucked in a breath. "Did he know?"
I clung to her, letting myself be held for the first time in what felt like forever. The tears came harder now, each sob shaking my entire body.
"I didn't want to burden anyone," I choked out between sobs. "I thought... I thought it was my fault. That I was just stressed because of… because I wanted to be with him so bad, but I wouldn't let myself because… because I didn't want to come between them."
She pulled back slightly, just enough to look me in the eyes. "It wasn't your fault," she said firmly, wiping away my tears with her thumbs. "None of this is your fault."
"But it feels like it is," I whispered, the weight of my guilt pressing down on me.
"I know," she said softly. "But you have to let go of that guilt if you ever want to heal."
I nodded weakly, knowing she was right, but unsure how to start.
"Do you plan on telling him?" my mother asked, her eyes searching mine for any sign of resolution.
"No," I replied, shaking my head. "Nick... Nick found out. He saw me come out of the clinic and accused me of being pregnant and getting an abortion. I never corrected him, but..." My voice wavered as I tried to keep my emotions in check. "He's been blackmailing me with it. He wants me to do him favors..."
My mother’s eyes widened in shock, but she remained silent, waiting for me to continue. It was easier to talk now that I had finally confessed everything. The words flowed out like a dam breaking.
"I didn't want Tom to worry about it, but..."
"But?" she prompted gently.
"Tom won this really prestigious award and Kara asked me to take pictures," I said, the memory of that night still fresh in my mind. "We reconnected. I tried not to, but..."
"You couldn't help it," she said softly, understanding etched into her features.
"And Nick is threatening me," I continued, my voice growing stronger with each word. "He got me fired. And Nick's mom knows too and wants me to get Tom to give her money or else she'll tell him."
My mother’s expression hardened with resolve. "Ally, you need to take back your power."
"And how do I do that?" I asked.
She sighed, squeezing my hands tightly. "You do what's right, honey," she said gently but firmly. "You tell Tom the truth."
I let out a breath, feeling the weight of the world pressing down on my shoulders.
"What if he hates me?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Honey, if he hates you for something that wasn't your fault, then that tells you everything you need to know about him. But I have a feeling he isn't like that."
"How do you know?" I asked, leaning back against the couch, feeling the cushions conform to my tired body.
"Call it mother's intuition," she replied with a gentle smile.
The room seemed to close in on me, every corner echoing with the enormity of what lay ahead. Could I really tell Thomas? Could I risk his anger, his rejection?
"Honey, I'm sure he wants to be there for you," she said softly. "And he probably doesn't understand why you pushed him away in the first place. If he cares about you the way I think he does, he'll be there for you. You'll both be able to mourn together."
"And... and if he doesn't?" I asked, my voice trembling with uncertainty.