Page 13 of Back in Blood

“I’m the father.”

“He can go.” Sin and I spoke at the same time as I nodded in his direction. He looked like he wanted to slap the shit out of me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want him there.

The nurse pushed out a sigh like she was wondering how she got caught in the midst of BS. “This is a very sensitive situation, and it can be very stressful. In order to keep mom as calm and safe as possible, what she says goes. I’m sorry sir. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“You really gon’ do me like this, Lisa?” Sin’s face crumpled. “You’re not going to let me be here to say goodbye to my son?”

“Would you have been able to say goodbye if I had terminated him like you suggested?” I snapped.

Sintonio’s jaw slacked. As his mouth hung open, the nurse cleared her throat and repeated herself. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Sintonio stared at me with a look of contempt on his face for a few seconds before he turned to leave. My head was pounding. This was undoubtedly going to be the worst day of my life, and I didn’t need him making it any worse.

“What in the world is going on, Lisa?” My mother rushed over to my bed after the nurse checked me and the monitors and left the room. “When did you and Sintonio start having problems?”

“It’s a long story.” As much as I hated him the same way I protected Capri, I was somewhat protecting Sintonio even if he didn’t deserve it. “I don’t even know all the details, but he got caught up in something with a friend, and he’s been stressing. Since he’s been going through whatever he’s been going through, he hasn’t been here for me. The wedding is off, and we haven’t been on the same page. I just haven’t had time to dwell on it because I’ve been thinking about the baby.”

My mother wrapped her arms around me, and the tears came out of nowhere. I cried into her chest the same way I had cried into Capri’s. If I had to choose between my son and Sintonio, I would hands down choose my son every time. But it looked like I was going to lose them both. It was just another testament to the fact that life wasn’t fair. The doctor came in the room, and my mother released me. I wiped my tears and took in the empathetic smile on the doctor’s face. I had started back praying because I felt that was the only choice I had. For the past few hours, I’d been begging God for a miracle, but I didn’t think it was going to happen. So, I had to prepare to give birth to my child and say goodbye to him.

I stayed in the hospital for twenty-four hours. When I was discharged, my father and Malik took me home to get some of my things. The police had come to the hospital to question me about the kidnapping, and I was so upset that they didn’t press the issue too much. I made up a quick story about a white man forcing me out of my car and into his. I was then blind folded and taken somewhere. I heard him speaking Russian a few times, and he asked me in very broken English if I was pregnant. At one point, I managed to free my hands, take the blind fold off, fleefrom the house, and flag down a stranger. Whether they bought my story or not I wasn’t sure, but I really didn’t care. I was home safe and sound. I got to hold my son after he was born and say my goodbyes. I had cried for so long that my voice was pretty much gone, and my eyes were dry as hell. Blinking hurt, but I didn’t even have the strength to ask the nurse for eye drops.

Sintonio’s car was in the driveway, but I told my father and brother not to come in. I didn’t want things to get any worse than they had to be. Using my key, I unlocked the door and found Sintonio sitting on the couch with his cell phone pressed to his ear. The moment I stepped inside the house, his eyes ballooned out of his head like he’d seen a ghost. Immediately, he ended the call he was on.

“That was fucked up what you did. When your mother called me, she told me the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. You really had him and didn’t let me be there?” Sin’s voice held an angry tone, but I could see what appeared to be pain in his eyes. I didn’t feel guilty about not wanting him there. It was done, and it couldn’t be undone.

Ignoring him, I walked into the bedroom. I wanted to sleep for days. Facing the reality of life was too much. A social worker for the hospital visited me and offered me free therapy sessions. I wasn’t sure how talking about the loss of my son would make me feel better, but I did accept a prescription for anti-depressants. The nurses and the social workers had seen me pretty much crying nonstop and not eating, so it wasn’t an issue for me to be prescribed medication even without having completed a therapy session.

Sintonio followed me. I could feel him right up on me, so I whirled around. We were face to face as he glowered at me. “Lie and say what you did wasn’t fucked up. None of my family was even there. You’re a selfish ass bitch.”

“And you’re a child murderer,” I spat with venom lacing my tone.

Both of Sintonio’s hands ended up wrapped around my neck. I clawed at his hands not because I had a fear of death but because it was a natural reflex. Being choked didn’t feel good, and I had to fight back in some sort of way even if I didn’t care about living. All I could think while I was in that hospital bed was that I wished Capri would have just killed me. I was miserable as hell but still too much of a coward to take myself out. It would have been easier if he’d been the one to do it. Clawing at Sintonio’s hands proved to be futile. If anything, his grip tightened. Just as I was becoming lightheaded and my lids were fluttering, Sin’s grip loosened on me.

I saw nothing but floaters, but from what I could hear, there was a fight taking place. When my vision cleared, I saw my father and my brother both hitting Sintonio with a barrage of punches. He was trying his best to stay on his feet. He couldn’t get any licks of his own in, but he was still on his feet for longer than I expected. The moment he dropped to the floor, my father took a step back, but Malik lifted his Timberland clad foot and stomped in Sin’s midsection.

I eased from the room, so I could pack my things. I wouldn’t be able to grab anywhere close to half my stuff, but I wanted to get enough things that I didn’t have to come back for a while. There might not even be anything to come back to. I could see Sintonio throwing my belongings in a dumpster or doing something childish. As fast as I could move, I walked around the room and in and out of the closet grabbing things by order of importance. My favorite articles of clothing, favorite bags, shoes, and jewelry. There were no more tears left to cry. I’d literally been crying for months, and it hadn’t changed a thing, so what was the point? Releasing was sometimes necessary, but I was tired of releasing.

“Stay your bitch ass right here,” I heard Malik bark from the other room. “Let my sister pack her shit in peace.”

An angry chuckle fell off my lips. Pissed was probably an understatement. It was the second time Malik had punked Sintonio in my presence. As I tossed a pair of jeans into a bag, my gaze landed on my engagement ring. With a disgust laced scowl and a kiss of my teeth, I pulled the ring off and tossed it on the bed. The money that had been wasted on the wedding didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Finally, I grabbed my suitcase and an overnight bag and walked out of the room. My father who was in the hallway with his back against the wall rushed over to me.

“I got this, baby. Go on out to the car. Me and Malik will get your things if you’re done packing.”

I nodded my understanding and walked out of the house with a sigh. As a nurse, I knew anti-depressants shouldn’t be mixed with alcohol. I also knew that the medication would take some time to kick in. I was craving immediate relief. My mother didn’t drink, but she kept wine around for guests. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against the seat. I just wanted life to be over. Tears stung my closed lids, and I balled my fists while clenching my teeth together. Frustrated and pissed were two of the main words to describe my state of being. Defeated was the third. Silently, I begged God to take me out of my misery. If He hated me enough to keep letting all these terrible things happen to me, why not just take me out? I had no more fight in me.

Giving up. I was officially giving up. My parents welcomed me into their home. Of course, they told me not to be in a rush to find my own place, but I knew being there would only agitate me further. They would mean well, but I knew they would crowd me and be overly concerned. All of it would more than likely be too much. I just wanted to isolate and be able to sulk in peace. Constantly asking me questions and not wanting me to be alone would agitate me further, and the last thing I wanted to do wassnap at my parents. But no matter how long I’d been gone, their house was home. I would rather curl up in a ball in my old bedroom and drown the world out there rather than in a hotel room. I would give myself two more days to sulk. Two more days to hate my life and then I would get up and start looking for places to live. All I wanted was to be alone.

CHAPTER 9

CAPRI

I awokewith a start when I heard my name being shouted. “Fuck,” I groaned while squinting my eyes from the bright light that my sister had let into the room by opening my black out curtains.

“Fuck is right,” Bianca stated in a gentle tone as she peered down at me. “Capri, I love you. You know I do. And I’m worried. I could never tell you how to grieve and if I was in your shoes, I’d probably be the same way. But you don’t leave the house.” She looked around my bedroom and shook her head pitifully. “You don’t go to work. You don’t answer your phone. This isn’t good for you.” Bianca picked up an empty tequila bottle. “Come on. Get up. I’m going to fix you breakfast, clean your room, and change the sheets on your bed.”

As I laid flat on my back, I eyed my sister and the concern on her face was the only reason I didn’t turn my back on her and pull the covers over my head. It had been four days since I dropped Lisa off at the ER, and I had been drinking myself into stupors ever since. Wincing from the pain in my throat and the churning in my stomach, I sat up. After taking a moment to compose myself, I stood and went to the bathroom. The urge to vomit was powerful as I stood at the sink and brushed my teeth.I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d eaten, but I’d gone through a fifth of alcohol in twenty-four hours. If I cared about life, I would’ve admitted that the drinking was past out of hand. But I didn’t care.

A long hot shower made me feel a little better. My energy was pretty much depleted, and that was one of the reasons it took me so long in the bathroom. The other reason was because the hot water felt so damn good, and the final reason was because I didn’t want to face Bianca. She was ten years older than me and since our mother passed, she took her big sister role to heart. There was only so much grace Bianca was going to give me before she gently and lovingly dug in my ass. When I walked into my bedroom, it smelled great. Biance had vacuumed after sprinkling carpet fresh on the carpet. She’d also lit a candle and sprayed room spray. All of the empty snack packages, water bottles, and bottles of liquor had been removed from the room. The bed was made, and the trash had been emptied.

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