Page 17 of Back in Blood

My confusion was replaced with irritation causing me to frown slightly. “Yeah, I actually did. Why does it seem so odd that I’d forget? Tomorrow is just a regular day.” I stood up and went to the sink to wash my cup.

“I know things have changed. And you have every right to feel how you feel, but your birthday isn’t just any other day. I’ve never known you not to treat that day like a national holiday. You don’t have to go all out and do the things you used to do but at least come to dinner with me and Gemini. Please.”

I sighed because even though my back was turned on my sister, I knew she was doing her puppy dog pout. She wasn’t going to let up. I could appreciate the fact that people cared about me, but since losing my son, people acted as if me wanting to be alone was a major issue. I didn’t wish to fake smile and laugh and bullshit my way through the grieving process. I wasn’t okay, and I didn’t have the energy to pretend to be okay. But, I was finally starting to go stir crazy in the house, and alcohol was never a bad thing. At least in my opinion. I didn’t give a damn about my birthday, but actually getting dressed and getting out of the house might do some good.

“I guess. Dinner and nothing else.”

“Yayyyyyy,” Gwen squealed and clapped her hands while I eyed my crusty nails.

I needed a fill weeks ago, and I didn’t possess the energy to take the nails off, so my hands looked hideous because of how far my nails had grown out. My feet looked just as bad, and my hair had been up in a messy bun on top of my head for the past few days. Maybe, I could take the time to run around and get some much needed self-care, so I wouldn’t be out looking neglected and unloved. I didn’t really care about the opinions of others, but maybe I still felt like shit because I looked like shit.

There was only one thing that I wanted for my birthday, and since I couldn’t have that one thing, I didn’t want anything.

On my birthday, I woke up to a room filled with pink balloons and a vase containing a dozen pink roses. I had to smile at the effort that my parents put in to make the day special. And they didn’t stop there. My father cooked a huge breakfast large enough to feed five people. I almost questioned the reason he’dcooked so much food, but it made sense why when Malik showed up with more balloons, more flowers, and a card that contained $400.

“I know it’s not a happy day, but try to smile, Sis. I love you.” He hugged me tight, and I had to thank God for my tribe.

“I love you too.”

Maybe my anti-depressants were finally starting to kick in because when it was time to get dressed for my lash appointment the idea of cancelling didn’t cross my mind ten times. I just knew I was going to wake up and cancel on my sister and Gemini, but I didn’t. The day before I’d gotten my nails done along with a pedicure and after my lash appointment, I had an appointment to get my coochie and underarms waxed. A forest was growing on my legs, but I’d handle that in the shower. I didn’t think Robin was back to taking appointments yet, but it didn’t matter. I was so consumed with the guilt of knowing that I knew who took her child from her, I’d never be able to sit in her chair again. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of Caprice. I thought about her as much as I thought about my own child. And even though Capri had beaten him silly, Sintonio was still walking around just fine. His life was still going, and he was the reason someone else’s got cut short. I hated everything about the situation.

I spent the entire day in shock. A bunch of my co-workers got together and sent edible arrangements to my parents’ house for me. I got an array of cash apps from different people that totaled more than $500, and some of the people from my mom’s church sent me flowers, and a cake. There was no way I could sulk and walk around showing my true feelings when so many people were going out of their way to make my day special. I was another year older, and it wasn’t a big deal because I was supposed to be on my way to being a wife and a mother. Both those things got abruptly taken away from me, so what did Ido? Change the way I wanted my life to go and settle for being childless and single? I was tired of hearing the phrase, ‘you’re still young.’

Young or not, I thought I found my person. I thought I was on my way to having baby number one out of three. There weren’t a lot of great options out there. I may never find Mr. Right and as much as I wanted to become a mother, I refused to have kids by just anyone. So yeah, that was that. My outfit for the evening was an oversized white cardigan that was trimmed in baby blue. It was long enough to cover my booty, and I was wearing it as a dress. Paired with denim thigh high boots, the outfit was fire. Despite the cardigan fitting large on me, I still had enough hips and booty for my curves to be seen, but it was large enough to conceal the slight pudge that I still had from giving birth. I wasn’t in the mood to wear Spanx or to suck my stomach in half the night.

I left the first two buttons undone to make the outfit even sexier and added gold accessories to the mix. There was no time for me to get my hair done, so I slicked it back into a sleek bun and laid my edges. I stayed away from the swirled, super dramatic baby hairs, but I left two pieces of hair out by my ear and used water to curl the hair into tight coils. I looked presentable enough. Hell, I looked damn good. It was the best I’d looked in a long time. After putting on light foundation and lip gloss, I grabbed my purse and stepped into the living room to wait for Gwen.

“I have to get out my phone for this!” My father gushed. “You look good, girl.”

I blushed and released a small giggle. “Thank you, daddy.” It almost felt wrong to be celebrating. In the back of my mind, I had to wonder if I really loved my son as much as I said I did because if I did, how was I dressed up ready to go out and have fun?

I pushed those thoughts out of my head, because no one could convince me that I didn’t love my child. Not even my own overthinking. My mother entered the room, and she joined my father in gassing me up.

“Girl! I love that outfit. Check you out! Oh, baby, you about to turn heads.”

“Thank you.” The blushing and giggling continued, and then Gwen entered and started making a fuss too.

Our parents took pictures of me and my sister together, and then Gwen and I left. She drove to the restaurant that she’d made reservations at. “You look really good. How are you feeling?” She took her eyes off the road long enough to glance over at me.

“I feel pretty good. It’s the first day that I haven’t cried since I gave birth, so I’d say that’s a start.”

“It sure is. But even if the feeling hits you, and you want to cry. Let it out, sissy. I’ll cry with you.”

I smiled at my sister. She turned the music up and set the tone for the evening. We listened to feel good rap that made us feel like the baddest, richest women on the planet. The way we were rapping and flexing, in my mind, my rose gold watch was an iced out Patek, and Gwen’s Kia was a Bentley. We arrived at the restaurant at the same time as Gemini. I smiled as I eyed the huge gift bag in her hands. It wasn’t even about the material gifts or the money. I was going to make the genuine effort to return all the energy I’d been given on my birthday. At the table, the moment we were seated, the server came over, and my sister ordered a bottle of champagne. My brows lifted, but I didn’t say anything. My sister wasn’t broke, but I’d never seen her splurge on pricy beverages even during celebrations. She worked at an insurance company, and her husband was a middle school teacher.

Frugal was definitely a word that I could use to accurately describe my sister. After the second glass of champagne, I had a buzz, and that’s when my sister and Gemini went in for the kill.

“Soooo,” Gwen shifted in her seat. I noticed the gleam in her eyes and immediately shook my head.

“No ma’am. I know you better than you know yourself. You want something. I don’t know what it is, but I’d be willing to bet money that you’re about to try and convince me to do something you know I don’t want to do.”

“You don’t have any faith in me,” Gwen sighed. “Hell, Gemini is the one that really wants to go.”

“Just throw me under the bus,” Gemini laughed as my head swiveled in her direction.

“Go where?” my eyes narrowed while I waited on an answer.

“The hookah lounge that’s like ten minutes from here. Scott’s best friend is the owner, and he said he’d hook us up if we came through.” Scott was Gemini’s husband, and he was a doctor. Because he was a prominent person in Diamond Cove, North Carolina, he knew a lot of people. He was always getting us the hook up somewhere. The best thing he’d gotten us was court side tickets to an LA Lakers game.

---