Page 42 of Back in Blood

‘Don’t take it personal though. I didn’t put any perfume on because lately I can’t stand the smell of some of my favorite scents.”

“Damn. Maybe I can change our reservations. That will give me time to go home and change my clothes.”

“No, you don’t have to do all that. I’ll be fine. We can just ride in the car with the windows cracked.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Okay.” Capri placed one hand on my belly. “He been moving a lot today?”

“Yeap. Feels like he’s doing back flips straight onto my bladder.”

Capri grinned before removing his hand and opening the door. I liked the new side of him, but a part of me was afraid that it would go away. I was still healing myself, so I knew that every day was different. Capri was doing better, but he wasn’t healed. And now, he wasn’t smoking or drinking. There would be a time when he’d be sad, and I wasn’t sure how he would cope. I wanted to suggest couple’s therapy, but I wasn’t sure how he’d take it. Of course, we got the paternity tests results back, and they proved he was the father. There was never a doubt in my mind that he was.

“They say it’s going to be a rough year as far as the flu goes. At what point are you coming out of work?” he glanced over at me as he drove.

“Um, I planned to come out around thirty-eight weeks. The hospital is full of germs, but I wear a mask and wash my hands as much as I can. Thank God, I haven’t been sick. I rarely get sick anyway.”

Capri bobbed his head. “And how long are you staying out of work?”

“I get four months paid maternity leave. By the time I go back to work, I’m hoping I will have found a daycare that I love.”

“Nah,” he took his eyes off the road and glanced back over at me. “I don’t do daycare until my kid is old enough to talk. I’m myown boss, and I make my own schedule. We can get an in-house nanny to come by and watch him. At my house, because I have cameras. I can cut my work days short, so that she doesn’t have to stay with him for eight hours a day. Maybe five or six most days.”

“I would feel more comfortable with him being at home. We probably would only need someone maybe two days a week. I only work three to four days, and I know my mom wouldn’t mind keeping him sometimes. She’s retired and always looking for something to do.”

“That’s what it is then. We can start looking for a part-time nanny when you’re about eight months. She has to be over the age of thirty, have some kind of degree in childhood education, and be CPR certified.”

I nodded. “I’m with you when you’re right.”

I was already in love with the kind of father that Capri was going to be. I could tell he was going to be very hands on, and I appreciated that. I never wanted a partner that was stuck on gender roles. I didn’t want a man that paid bills but left being hands on with the kids up to the mother. I wanted a father that attended doctor’s appointments, missed work sometimes when the child was sick, changed diapers, gave baths, etc. Sintonio didn’t hesitate to tell me that he would leave the diaper changing and nighttime feedings to me.

There was a brief silence before Capri’s gaze landed on me once again. “I’m not an alcoholic or anything, but there are still times that I get triggered, and I want to drink. I want to smoke, and when I can’t do either one, I get mad. I’m irritable, and I get frustrated easily. I don’t ever want to lash out at you so all I ask is that, if you see that I’m in a mood, and I need my space, please give it to me without being offended.”

“You got it,” I nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. “We all grieve differently, but I understand the effects all the same.The only reason I’m not a blubbering mess seven days a week is because the anti-depressants that I’m on truly work for me. I saw a major difference when I started taking them. Do they stop me from being sad and crying? Absolutely not. But I’m able to be sad while still being productive. I get out of bed, I take showers, and I can go to work. Before the medication, when I was super sad, I would shut down and not want to do anything for days. So, trust me, I get it. And I know not everyone wants to take medication. You have to find what works for you. And that takes patience and trial and error.”

Capri didn’t respond with words, but he reached over and grabbed my hand. We held hands up until he pulled up at the valet stand. There were two valet attendants out, so one opened my door, and the other person opened Capri’s door. I rounded the car and waited for him while he gave the guy his name and phone number to log into the little handheld device that he was holding. After Capri passed his key fob, he grabbed my hand again and led me to the entrance of the restaurant.

Being that he made reservations, we were seated in no time. Once we were seated, I decided to make a confession to Capri because it was something that had been weighing on me heavily. “You know…” my voice trailed off a bit as I tried to gather the right words to say. “After I lost my son, it was hard for me to go in the room that would have been his nursery. We never even got to put his crib together or put his things away, so it didn’t bother me too badly when you did what you did. But had he had things in that room that I deemed to be sentimental, I’m not sure I could have forgiven you.”

I watched as Capri’s face fell. That was something that he’d never even though of. Or that he didn’t care about back then. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Lisa, I’m sorry. Fuck.” Capri sat back in his seat, and he truly appeared regretful as he stared at me. “I was so focused on ruining Sintonio’s life. Fuck.”

“It’s okay,” I reached for his hand across the table. “It keeps crossing my mind, so I felt the need to communicate that with you, but it’s okay.”

Capri shook his head. “I can’t ever let myself be consumed with that kind of anger and hatred again because it truly made me do some dumb ass shit. I was so pissed off and didn’t care about consequences. From snatching you to the house. I can’t even blame it on the alcohol or the weed. I was just consumed with so much rage.”

“And that’s understandable. You’re human. Thank God none of the things you did were things that you couldn’t come back from. You ever thought about therapy?” I asked. “I started going last month, and it helps. You can talk as much or as little as you want.”

Capri sighed. “I thought about it. It doesn’t really seem like my thing.”

“Just give it a little more thought.” I winked at him. “I don’t want to be invasive, but maybe you could do some solo sessions, and then we could do some couple’s sessions. Learn to be better for one another, so we can be the best parents we can be.”

A smile inched across Capri’s face. “I think I can get with that.”

CHAPTER 23

CAPRI

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