Page 125 of Hell Bound

But that memory flashed in my still fuzzy mind, a cheeky grin on his much less serious face.

“I wish I could remember. I know that I care about him now, and I don’t think I could live without him, but…”

But I don’t love him.

I believed I could, that it was bound to happen, but there was still something missing between us.

“You’re waiting to let yourself love him again until you remember your past together.” Hana finally sat beside me on the bed, and she placed a hand on mine where it rested beside my hip. “Lil, you have to accept that it might never all come back to you.”

That honestly hadn’t occurred to me. Not as a real option. Surely, given enough time, everything would come back to me.

Wouldn’t it?

There was much I didn’t want to remember, but those moments with Lucifer? I needed those. I needed to see who he’d been before all the trauma. I had to know what the woman he’d fallen in love with was truly like.

Because what if I wasn’t enough?

What if my time with humans had stripped away the essence of the Lilith he loved, leaving nothing but Liliana behind?

I’d accepted that Lilith was my life, all of it had been me, but I wasmorenow. I was also Liliana, with all the human experiences that came along with her.

Hana squeezed my hand.

“He still does.”

“What?”

“He still loves you. He never stopped.”

“How do you know what I’m thinking?”

“Because you’ve been my best friend for my entire life. And I promise you, there’s no reason to fear that you’ll fail to win his love again. You don’t have to, because you never lost it.”

My throat went tight. I blinked rapidly, but it did nothing to stem the flow of tears. My vision blurred as arms came around me and squeezed tight.

“I’m sorry, Lil. I’ve just been here for so long without you, I’ve grown so bitter.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I left you, but I won’t again, I swear.”

“It may not be up to you. Just…” she pulled away and met my watery eyes. “Please just be careful. Not only for our sake, but for yours. Asmodeus has been preoccupied since you got back, but once whatever he’s planning comes to fruition, his distraction will wane.”

“Planning? I thought he was dealing with preparation for the ball.”

“Yes, but there’s more to it. He’s been much more secretive, handling things personally instead of delegating as he normally would.”

If this was Asmodeus sidetracked and not putting his all into his punishments, I dreaded what was to come.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be okay.” I wanted to reassure Hana, but I also needed to say the words aloud. If I spoke them into existence, it was more likely to come true.

At least if there was any kind of force in the universe that looked out for us, it would.

I just had to survive the Infernal Court Ball and find a way to escape the heavily guarded palace and make our way through the monster infested forest across the border of Infernal Court territory.

It wouldn’t be easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

More like difficult pifficult, lemon squifficult.

Chapter30

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