Page 81 of Midnight Surrounds Us

Meeting those people, seeing their homes and their farms, had been exactly the boost of confidence I needed. They’d all been welcoming, had opened their arms to me and were generous in sharing their knowledge. I left Oregon with my phone full of contacts I could call with questions, and I promised to invite them all out to my place once I got things moving.

I had so many ideas running through my head, about crops to plant, cattle breeds to experiment with, and I’d even visited a farm like the one the Lee brothers and I were planning to start, where people stayed at the farm, helped with the animals and the crops, and then went home with their arms full of the farm’s products.

Before I knew it, I’d driven back to the ranch, packed up my shit in my cabin, and Sunday was upon me. I had no clue where I’d stay after the drive since there wasn’t a house on the new property yet, but whatever. I could shack up with Bax and Athena or camp until I figured it out.

Like I said, when I wanted something, I went all out.

Sitting in an old Adirondack chair on my little cabin’s front porch, I watched the sun rise and felt the familiar low-burning rush of adrenaline coursing through my veins. I felt it before every drive. This time was different, and it was the biggest herd we’d ever driven to range, so the rush of energy was bigger too.

Ten days with nothing to do but ride and think? Great. Just what I needed. If Aubrey didn’t show up today, maybe I wouldn’t come back.

G&S Ranch would be overrun with friends and their families and more cowboys than I could shake a stick at. There’d be enough food to feed the entire population of Wyoming, more beer than Budweiser would know what to do with, and the air would be full of music. Even the pastor of my parents’ church would be here. He shut his doors every time we kicked off a drive with a barbecue. They always started on a Sunday, and he knew better than to expect people to show up for services when Calla and Grady Graves were hosting.

The only question was: would Aubrey be here?

Both her boys had accepted jobs at the ranch with my dad. He seemed cheered up a little to have some fresh blood to boss around since I was “abandoning him,” and Benji and Micah both said they’d be here today.

When I talked with him last night, Benji seemed pretty pumped to start his “cowboy lessons,” but Presley wouldn’t let him come on the drive with the rest of us because the kid was terrified of horses.

Presley had also said Micah was a born rider, but that he didn’t seem as interested in our way of life. I had a feeling the only reason he’d taken the job was to impress a girl. I couldn’t blame him for that, and he’d still get a thorough education while he was here, nonetheless.

But neither Micah nor Benji could tell me if their mama would show, which was now turning my excitement about the drive into downright anxiety.

I hadn’t spoken to my Spitfire in two days. Again, I’d wanted to give her the time she needed to think things through. I wasn’t sure if her thinking was a good thing or not, but I wanted so fucking bad for her to see what I saw: our future.

Her kids were on board. All that remained were her own fears and doubts and insecurities.

But no matter the outcome of the day, I still had a job to do, so I dumped the last of my coffee over the side of the porch and left the empty mug on the railing for Presley to wash once he moved in.

I took one last sweeping look at the land I’d spent my entire life on, and then I headed out.

By ten in the morning,Presley had no less than three women suitors. Something about the way he plucked his fiddle strings had them coming from miles away. If he wanted a wife, he could have his pick. He didn’t though. He wanted to be out in the hills and mountains, wrangling calves stuck in brush and living free. He always said women were pretty things to look at, but that if I ever caught him settling down, I should turn my shotgun on him and leave him out in the dust for the coyotes.

My dad was enjoying showing off his stock and his land to his usual gang of rancher friends. Roddy Milson had shown up. His ranch closer to Wisper had been G&S’s biggest competition for as long as I could remember, but he was a decent guy, and though they’d never admit it, I thought he and my dad had enjoyed their friendly rivalry all these years. There’d been plentyof times we’d traded cowboys or equipment when one of the ranches had been in need, and I was glad now that my dad had that friendship to count on.

Everybody else ooh’ed and ahh’ed at the enormity of my dad’s operation, and it caused me more pride than I could describe. Unsurprisingly, he’d given Bax and Brand a wide berth all morning, and he hadn’t mentioned my plans for the future to his friends, but no matter. They’d all find out soon enough.

I found myself keeping tabs on Aubrey’s boys all morning, hoping for some sign that she might be on her way. Benji had also found himself a young lady to flirt with. He even helped peel enough potatoes to fill a feed trough for my mama just to stay close to Lila Connors. Little did he know, Lila was the heir to a huge cattle processing operation, and the girl would eat that boy for breakfast given the chance. She seemed charmed by his attempts to impress her so far, but if she hadn’t crushed him in the palm of her hand by the end of the day, I’d bite my tongue.

People laughed and talked and danced around me. June had arrived quietly and brought with it a mild, warm summer day. The sun shone down on the land and made it seem less harsh than we all knew it could be, but the only thing I could see was Aubrey and me joining in, dancing to Presley’s music, eating my mama’s food, and enjoying life.

It was almost lunchtime, though, and she was still a no-show.

Finally, after everybody’s bellies had been filled with corn on the cob, ribs, fire-roasted potatoes, and strawberry pie, my dad gave his usual speech, and the pastor said a prayer before fifteen of us prepared to head out with our herd and horses.

It devastated me to think about leaving without seeing Aubrey’s face one last time, and I wanted to tear down a barn to let loose my frustration, but what good would that do? Inside my chest, defeat began to settle. Defeat and loss.

Loss of love and… loss of hope.

But maybe it was time to let that go. Maybe my parents had a point this whole time.

Screaming at the world wouldn’t bring Aubrey back to me anyway.

I’d left Blue out in the pasture so he could run and work himself up. The horse had never needed much direction, and he had more excitement for the drive than I ever had. Once I had him saddled up and packed down with supplies, he chuffed at me, as if to say, “Climb on, man. We got shit to do.”

“You’re in charge,” I told him as the silly horse licked my arm and rubbed his nose over the spit. “I might need to lean on you this time.”

Snapping my chaps into place, I looked into the sun. The day grew warmer by the minute, so I pulled off my button-down and the heat felt good on my shoulders. I tucked the shirt into my saddle bag, straightened my undershirt, and mounted my critter, listening to the excited chatter of a few of my outriders while they saddled up too.

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