Page 19 of My Starry Valentine

“Why?” She exhales sharply.

Desire twists into anger. It’s the only way I can do what I know I must…

What does she want from me? Why is Luna doing this?

“We both know you deserve better.” I gasp, searching for words, trying to find a way to stop this before it gets any more out of control. I know myself, and I’ll never be able to part with her if things progress any further. “Is this a pity thing?” I accuse, pulling back as the sting of my words smacks into her.

“A pity thing?” Her voice trembles, and her brows furrow.

“Yeah, a pity thing. I think it’s a fair enough question. I mean, look at me! How could you possibly be attracted to this?” I gesticulate wildly toward my face, channeling every ounce of pent-up love and lust into a volatile explosion of searing anger. Surrendering to fury instead of the tears that threaten to cover my cheeks.

Luna sits back, her eyes rounding and filling with shock. She puts a hand over her mouth as more tears fill her eyes, and I feel like the biggest jerk to ever live. It’s more proof that she can do better, that she has to do better than me because I’m no good for her.

Bursting to my feet, I pace back and forth, the ferocious injustice of my life gripping me.God, why do this to me? And then put this amazing, beautiful, caring angel in my path? What kind of sick joke is this?

“I have to go,” I growl, striding into the kitchen to grab my satellite phone. I toss it gently on the couch next to Luna becauseI can’t risk getting too close to her again. She’s an impulse I can’t control.

Tears slide down her cheeks, her visage pale and stunned. My arms ache to hold her and comfort, but I’m the reason for her pain. My heart drops into my stomach.Nice job, Ledger.

Running my hand through my hair, I say, “I’ll be back later.” Stomping towards the coat rack, I stop short, staring at the dead hearth. “Let me build the fire back up for you first.”

I don’t leave until flames glow bright, warm, and mesmerizing. My eyes flicker to Luna, jealous of how the golden firelight licks over the parts of her my hands and lips caressed less than an hour ago. Swallowing hard, I head for the door. I can’t let whatever this is between us go on any further.

Chapter Eleven

LUNA

Idon’t know how long I stare shellshocked at the fire once Ledger leaves. But it’s a relief to get away from the frantic swirl of his emotions because they mirror my own tangled feelings.

He’s a deeply wounded and traumatized man, and I knew this from nearly the moment I met him. The way he repeatedly turned to the side, hiding half of himself from me. How he simultaneously welcomed me into his cabin while pulling back at every turn.

My mind flies in reverse through time, indulging in the delicious feeling of his fingers in my hair, the tenderness flooding his eyes, the softness and warmth of his skilled lips moving over mine. His nickname for me…

He tried as hard as he could…until he couldn’t try anymore. I shouldn’t have pushed him, but I couldn’t help myself. Because I want him in a way I’ve never wanted any man. And the urgency of knowing I have to leave only compounds my impatience.

Waking up in his arms, wrapped in his masculine strength and warmth, smelling his musky, foresty scent and staring into his clear blue eyes cemented it for me. Everything feels so rightwhen we’re together…for those brief moments when Ledger’s walls come down.

I can’t leave without him knowing how I feel. But how do I communicate a reality he seems determined to deny?

Suddenly, light floods the cabin, and I hear the heater come on, indicating the return of electricity. I putter around, turning off unnecessary lights and adding wood to the fire, staring long and hard at the cowboy-mountain-man’s pre-injury photos. Heading into the guest bedroom, I retrieve my portable watercolor kit, knowing what I have to do.

Carefully, I remove the memory box from the wall, setting it next to me at the kitchen table while I work, starting with pencils and then filling in with vibrant shades of black, brown, and various hues of tan and a little cobalt blue.

By the time I hear him trudge up the porch stairs, darkness shrouds the cabin windows, and I’ve drawn the curtains. Numerous logs have gone onto the fire, the memory box is back on the wall, and I’ve snacked on cold pizza and sipped on green tea I found in one of his kitchen cabinets. My watercolor kit is packed in my backpack once more, and I’ve laundered my clothes and showered in preparation for tomorrow and the potential break in the weather…

The break that may see me to Montrose…and away from Ledger forever. My heart aches at the thought, but I can’t make him pursue what he doesn’t think he deserves, no matter what I say or how hard I try.

The cowboy looks across the room at me with palpable longing, fueling the fire incinerating me. But I remind myself there’s a world of difference between emotions and actions. He clears his throat, his face tight, and his voice restrained. “What’s the latest on Naomi?”

“I’ve talked with her parents on and off throughout the day, and this evening, I spoke to Naomi, too, which is a huge relief.She sounded groggy, a side-effect of the anesthesia and heavy-duty pain medications she’s on, and her parents say she now has at least eight screws in her ankle and two plates to stabilize a broken tibia, fractured fibula, and dislocated ankle.”

Ledger winces. He removes his coat, hangs it on the rack, and bends down to remove his snow boots. “We need to get you to her.”

“Yes.”

He lets out a long exhale as he turns his back towards me. “The weather broke about an hour ago, and the forecast is clear through tomorrow night. So, I’ll get up at dawn and clear the driveway with the tractor. Then, we’ll see about getting your car out of the ditch and if it’s drivable. Either way, I’ll get you to Montrose.”

“Thank you.”

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