Page 14 of My Tutor, My Stalker

“You should.” My voice is devoid of any emotion as I say it, my mind stuck on Elsie.

“You don’t sound that excited. What’s wrong? Is my son having girl problems?” She says it in jest, but when I don’t reply, Mom adds, “You really have girl problems. I can’t believe it.”

“Why not?”

“You’ve never shown interest in any girl.” That’s because I’ve been obsessed with Elsie. “I’m so happy you have someone. Tell me more about her.”

“She’s younger than me,” I hazard. I leave out the part about her being in high school. “And well, her folks are really well off.”

“Ah. You think you’re not good enough.”

“It’s not that.” I swallow. “I think she could do better than me.”

“Even though you love her?”

“How do you know that?” I catch my words, realizing I just confessed to loving Elsie to my mother. God, I’m really fucked now.

“Oh my god, you’re in love. It makes me really proud as your mom to know I raised a normal human being.” I grunt. “You’ve been so obsessed with Levi’s death ever since he passed away. I was starting to worry you’d spend your entire life trying to make up for that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you didn’t want to study Math at Harvard. You were always interested in numbers, but more from a business perspective than a theoretical one. But after your brother died, you changed. You said you wanted to study Math.”

“I do like math.”

“But not as much as you like other things. It’s what your brother would’ve wanted. He always wanted to go to Harvard for Math, and I wonder sometimes if you feel guilty because you got to live instead of him. Is that why you’re doing things you think he would?” Her insight stuns me.

“I like what I’m doing.”

“That’s good, but I hope you’re not doing it for the wrong reasons. Ronan…I’ve seen the images in your room. You’re far too obsessed with George and your brother’s death.” She’s wrong. “I don’t want you to waste your life getting justice for him. Revenge isn’t going to bring him back.”

“Mom, you knew?”

“I had a hunch. When you started tutoring at the Mulligans’, I was worried you were going down that path.”

“But… what he did to Levi was unforgivable. If it wasn’t for him, my brother would still be alive.”

“He’s my son too,” Mom reminds me. “And I miss him every day. I want to get justice for him too, but not if it means losing my other son.” I hear her voice break and worry immediately fills my head. “I want you to be happy, Ronan. It’s my job as an adult to get justice for Levi. I don’t want you to carry that burden alone. If Levi were really around, he wouldn’t want you to spend your life on revenge. He’d want you to be happy, and do the things you’ve always wanted to do.”

“Mom…” My breathing is shaky. I grip the edge of the wall, just outside the shower.

“Be happy, Ronan. Go after that girl you love. That’s the best revenge.”

A profound realization washes over me and I realize that it’s time to go for what I want, despite the odds. Maybe Mom is right. Marrying Elsie might be the best revenge ever.

I shower and then I go check my savings account. It looks like I’m going to be buying a wedding ring.

CHAPTER 6

ELSIE

Itap my foot on the wooden floor, eagerly awaiting Ronan. My window is open and my eyes are fixed on the empty driveway. Ever since I messaged him, I’ve been aching to see him. It’s been two weeks since he came inside me, and every moment since then has been spent in agony, waiting for the next time I can be his. With Mom and Dad in the house, he didn’t take me during our tutoring sessions, though he did give me some relief. I considered visiting his university again, but with all the Bill drama, I couldn’t sneak away.

Dad was angry when I came back home after my night with Ronan. He didn’t ask who I’d spent the night with. Instead, he launched into a plan to win Bill back. My parents spent the entire day berating me for turning away Bill and putting their plans in jeopardy. Thankfully, Mom didn’t hit me because Dad was there. George came too, saying I should at least be able to get married to his friend, even if I can’t do anything else. He said he’d talk to Bill and try to fix things but I’m not interested in Bill at all.

At first, I thought I could go back to my planned existence once I tasted desire with Ronan, but letting him come unprotected inside me has changed me. I find myself wanting tobreak the shackles of my current existence more and more. Life only makes sense when I’m with him.

I place my hand over my flat belly, wondering if I’m pregnant already. I have a few exams to go and then, I’ll graduate. I always thought I’d want to go to college or travel the world after school, but when Ronan whispered dirty fantasies about making me his pregnant housewife, I knew that was my dream. I want to be with a man I love and create the happy family I never had. In Ronan’s arms, I feel safe, and now that I’ve known his kisses, no other man will ever do.

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