Page 48 of War of Her Heart

“It takes years to successfully get pregnant. Years of rituals, blessings, bonding, and sex.” Unless you had a mate, the one that was created specifically for you, it was not easy to procreate. I continued, “You don’t think all of that wouldn’t cause feelings to develop? I mean if that’s the case, you might as well marry Nathara and go ahead and get started.”

I didn’t mean it. But I was hurt by what he said. He expected me to become his mistress even if he didn’t explicitly say it. Bound to him forever as less than his wife and never having a chance for a life of my own. I didn’t want to ever lose him, but I think watching him with another—forever—would be far worse.

And after everything Sebastian told me about his mother, being a mistress sounded like hell.

I had been living in delusion my entire life. Being in a castle with Calum as my sole focus made me really believe that no matter what happened, I would be okay with whatever little bit of him I could get. But leaving the Mountain Realm, seeing the outside world, and learning that there was so much more than I knew, I was no longer sure I could live bound to Calum when he could never put me first.

“No one could ever cause me to lose sight of you, and I will not marry Nathara. She already wanted to kill my lover before we were even married. I’m not going to put you at risk by having her at the castle with us. And I will not let this happen any sooner than it has to. We could still have a few hundredyears together before a wife has to come into the picture,” he continued as he grabbed my face, cupping it in his hands. “Violet, please don’t push me away.”

That look. The look he had always given me that caused me to fold every time.

And it was no different now.

Even though I knew time was running out, whether that was only a few months, if Calum didn’t find the object, or a few hundred years, I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

It just reminded me how powerless I truly was. And I didn’t like that feeling.

20

Chapter 20

Violet

Calum spent the night and woke me up before he left. It was always before daylight before anyone else would be up.

I usually had no problem going back to sleep, but I couldn’t today. I lay there for a few hours tossing and turning, dreading what the day entailed. Having to put on a facade of the meek, less than Violet that I was supposed to be.

Not the one that was fucking the groom.

Please tell me you’ll look better.

I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I knew what she wanted. I knew she wanted me to look more like someone she would be out with. A female from the Night Realm. Someoneworthyof being with her.

At first, I felt pity for her being forced to marry someone that loved another. Sitting in my room alone for weeks after Calumleft to come to the Night Realm allowed my mind to run wild with thoughts. I had thought about her more than I’d like to admit. I thought about how she was probably trying everything she could to make Calum fall for her. How she probably went to bed every night wondering why she wasn’t enough for him. Or why she couldn’t have been betrothed to someone who loved her.

Then after arriving at the Night Realm and finding out what happened, the pity disappeared and was replaced with jealousy. Even if the attention she was getting was just a show. But to know she’d felt his lips, his touch. I felt nothing but hate towards her. And on top of it, she was a bitch. So the hatred seemed to run deeper.

I didn’t have many clothing options to wear today. I had my dresses I brought with me and the dresses I got with Bronwen, which were far too fancy for daytime shopping. My only other options were Bronwen’s outfits I had borrowed and worn.

Part of me wanted to just put on one of my dresses, tie my hair back in a ribbon, and throw on a pair of slippers, which was definitely what Nathara wouldn’t want, but I knew I should try to blend in and draw less attention to myself by looking like I belonged here.

After contemplating my options for far too long, I went with the outfit I wore on my first day in the city.

We took two carriages to the city. Lilian and Celine said they had some things they needed to do after shopping while Nathara wanted to return to the castle immediately. She said she wanted to be back with Calum as soon as she could.

When it came time to board the carriages, I debated which carriage would be the lesser of two evils.

Celine seemed like the better choice. The evil I knew. But throwing Lilian in the mix just gave me a bad feeling.

Nathara, whom I should consider my biggest enemy, didn’t scare me as much. She was horrid, but I had what she wanted so badly, which made me feel superior, even if she didn’t know it.

“I like your necklace,” I said, gesturing to the small pendant around Nathara’s neck. It was a small gray stone set in gold that hung right above her breast line. We had ridden in silence the majority of the time, but I could feel her staring at me.

I knew leaving her alone with her thoughts could be far worse than making small talk with her about something I didn’t even care about.

“It was a gift from Celine,” she said as she grabbed the pendant between her fingers. “She had it sent right after her husband’s death as sort of a start to the engagement.”

Of course she had this engagement in motion the moment she saw the opportunity.

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