Page 123 of Roses and Skulls

Elijah accepts and I decline, grabbing a water out of the fridge. All eyes are on me when I sit down.

“Okay, so, fuck, I’m just going to rip the band-aid off.”

My dad’s eyebrow bows in concern.

“I can’t do this.” My hands slide under my legs so that I refrain from peeling the skin away from the edge of my nails. “Shit, I mean, I can’t do this alone. I’m about to go out of my mind, I’m not going to lie.”

My mom sits forward, panic settling over her features. “Baby, we are here.” She starts to get up to come to me.

“No.” I hold my hand up to stop her. She sits back down, her and my dad exchanging a nervous glance. “I need professional help. I called William today and he is arranging for me to enter a facility that helps people like me, who like to cut. It’s a self-harm program.”

Elijah tenses next to me but I continue.

“It’s just north of San Diego along the coast.”

The room becomes silent.

“I’m sure the therapist you had here could help,” my mom suggests. I knew this would be hard for them. But I need to do this alone. I need time to think and to heal.

My dad leans forward, resting his arms on the table between us. “How long?”

“Ninety days.”

Mom jumps from the table. “No, there has to be something closer.”

Elijah finally says something. “It’s the best in the nation. Dad went there and they helped him. He made some lifelong friends there. Said it saved his life,” he says stiffly, the pain seeping out between his words. He knocks on the table. “It’s nice, clean, sits right on beach. Rosie will be able to see the sun set every night.”

My mother rubs her hand over her eyes, a small sigh leaving her lips.

He gives me a half smile before glancing away.

“Not to be rude but I’m not asking. I’ve thought about this all day. I was having a hard time before but now,” I clear my throat. “Dan is driving me to the airport at six tomorrow morning.”

“You sure I can’t just drag you up to the cabin? The mountain air heals everything,” Dad suggests gruffly.

I reach over and wrap my hand around his. “When I get back, we should definitely go the cabin. I would love that.”

My heart breaks for my family. But I have to protect what’s mine. My sanity, my flesh, my life, my soul, they are all on the line here.

And maybe one tiny other thing.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Billie Rose – two months later

Ijump onto my bed, turning on the light in the corner of the room. My new friend, Kelsie, plops down beside me. “You are so lucky,” she says, quietly rifling through the letters the receptionist just gave to me.

“You know, if you write to any of them, they will write back,” I tell her.

Her cheeks turn red. “Oh, I could never initiate something like that.”

“Well, I think it would be a good idea. It will be nice for you to get to know them before you get there. They are going to smother you with love,” I tease.

My Uncle Dan and Aunt Lily came to visit me shortly after I got here. They fell in love with Kelsie. She’s supposed to be released about the same time as me. A few days before me, actually. But anyhow, the state had been looking for her next home, she’d been terrified about where they would send her next.

Kelsie just turned sixteen a few months ago. She’s a ward of the state. But she’s been pretty much on her own for years. It wasn’t until a mailman found her naked and crying behind a bush that the state stepped in and “helped” her. Some help they’d been.

The week following their visit, Kelsie learned that she was going to be adopted by the one and only Big Dan and his wife. I spit my drink across the table when she told me. Her green eyes shone with tears. She thought I had asked them to do it. I assured her that I didn’t even know they were considering it, but I was thrilled to know Kelsie would be living a short distance from me.

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