Page 77 of Strictly Pretend

“How’s the wedding going?” he asks. “No, Rowan, we don’t put Legos up baby’s noses, do we?”

I blink. “The wedding is going… not well.” Understatement of the year.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

I let out a sigh. Because I really don’t want to be spilling my guts to my big brother. Not because I don’t trust him, but because I’ve always been the person who can manage my own emotions.

But I’m also a hair’s breadth away from storming back into the house and smashing my fist into Will’s face.

“I need you to talk me down,” I tell him.

“Oh boy.” He sounds almost excited. “What’s happening?”

Linc always loves drama. But he’s also one of the easiest people to talk to. If I’m going to tell anybody, it’ll have to be him. And for once he’s quiet as I fill him in on the past few days. The near misses with Emma. My confrontation with Will. The fact that my knuckles are still feeling trigger happy.

I tell him ever since we started talking over the phone and by message a few weeks ago it’s felt like my world has finally got some light in it again.

“Oh,” I say at the end. “Everybody also thinks we’re engaged because our cart driver saw me ask her a question and got the wrong idea.”

“What? Jesus,” he says when I finally take a breath. “And they say I’m the drama queen.”

“You are. I’m just borrowing your crown for a few days.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Why do you need to do anything?” Linc asks me. “Apart from going back to the yurt – which is a great name for a tent by the way – and telling Emma that you’re falling in love with her.”

“What?” I frown. “Where did you get that from?”

“I just spent the last fifteen minutes listening to you talk about her. You’re in love with her.”

“I’m not.” I shake my head. “I don’t do love, remember?”

“Of course you do.” Linc lets out a huff. “Just because you got hurt doesn’t mean you get to opt out of it for good. You’re not a monk, you’re a man. You have needs.”

“Can we not talk about sex?” I ask him, my voice a growl.

“I’m not talking about sex.” He sighs. “Not all needs have to do with sex, you know. I’m talking about the need to love, to be loved. To be the center of somebody’s world and have them at the core of yours. Don’t you want that?”

I swallow. “I can’t have it. You know that.”

“Because you can’t have kids? That’s bullshit.”

“Is it?” I ask him. “Remember how desperate you were to have kids? What would you have done if you and Tessa couldn’t have any?”

“We would have worked it out like grownups. There are other ways to have kids than that. Insemination, adoption, whatever. Or deciding to not have kids, that’s an option too.”

My chest feels weirdly tight. “I don’t even know if I want kids,” I admit. “That’s a deal breaker for most women.”

“Is it a deal breaker for Emma?” he asks.

I blink. “I have no idea. And it doesn’t matter. All this stuff… it’s just pretend. It’s not supposed to be serious.”

“Fuck’s sake, man, for a guy who’s so good at business, you’re terrible at relationships. Talk to her. Tell her everything. Tell her you like her.”

I let out a long breath. The thought of throwing myself off a cliff feels better than exposing my feelings.

“You still there?” Linc asks me.

“Yeah, just about.”

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