Page 38 of Devil's Game

“They expected me to take over, even though I’d barely known anything other than cold and darkness. I didn’t know how to cook or clean, and they never showed me, and instead, beat me any time I burned something or used the wrong chemical while cleaning.”

In my memories, their shouts were muffled, yet they still vibrated through my head, and my skin felt as raw as when their punches and slaps were still scattered over my body.

“I was about ten then—I only figured that out from glimpses of the calendar when I was allowed upstairs.” I chanced a look at my sugar, unsure if I would be able to continue if I foundpity in her eyes, but they only held understanding as she took in the worst of me. “I knew I had to get out of there, at least. I had to build up my strength, to learn how to defend myself. But every time I saw them, my hatred for them only grew. I wanted revenge. I wanted to end them the same way they’d taken away Anne’s light.

“I kept my eyes peeled, doing my best to appease them as I collected every kernel of knowledge I could. I’d catch a few minutes of a fight scene on TV, studying what was used and how they moved. I took stock of the kitchen, memorizing everything I could use or hide to give myself the best chance at survival.”

My fortitude iced over the agony humming in my chest, just as it had done back then.

“Five years passed like that as I gained my strength now that I was eating, finally having enough energy to work out like I saw on shows. I hid under the baggy, tattered, hand-me-down clothes they gave me, not letting them see the changes I was making, not letting them see the wolf in sheep’s clothing I was becoming.”

I grinned, that familiar spark of violence lighting inside me as I remembered just how unaware they’d been.

“They got sloppy, trusting that I would remain that scared child they’d beaten into submission, and left me upstairs to get dinner ready when they went out for the afternoon. I could’ve left, I could’ve run for it, but instead, I collected all the knives, hammers, bats, even the guns they hadn’t known I’d seen locked away in the safe. I hid most of them in the basement, only tucking a few into a bag, along with any cash I could find.”

Remembering what had solidified my plans, I took a steadying breath. “I almost left, but I had to know. I had to know for sure that she was gone, that she hadn’t just left me alone with them, that they had killed her.”

Giana’s fingers tightened around mine in support.

“It was my first time outside, my first time actually letting myself look at the yard.” I anchored myself in the feel of her soft skin. “We were secluded. There wasn’t another house around for miles, and trees were the only thing I could see.”

I kept my eyes trained on the reddish-brown bricks in front of me, not letting myself get sucked into the memory of the lush evergreens, the dead needles scattered on the ground, prickling my bare feet.

“I found her grave a few feet back, marked only by a simple cross, the scraggly branches a mockery to the light Anne was.”

I shook my head as anger built within me. “Despite everything that they put her through, she always tried to help me, calm me, take care of me. And all they gave her was a lousy makeshift cross. It hadn’t even looked like anyone had been out there in years. They had no sympathy for what they’d done. They never regretted it or tried to change. And if I let them live, I didn’t know if they’d start the cycle all over again.”

I shuddered at the thought. Despite how much I hated them, that had been the final nail in their coffins—the thought that they could bring more children into the world and do what they’d done to Anne and me all over again. Slipping away into the night hadn’t been an option.

“So, I did what had to be done, and I would do it again.”

My lips twisted into a cruel smile as I remembered that night through the haze of my memories. Warm blood coating my hands as I took my revenge.

I knew Giana wouldn’t judge me for what I’d done, but I couldn’t help but want to keep the details to myself, to safeguard them in the depths of my mind, so they’d be sacred to me and Anne alone. I could only hope that Anne had been watching that night in some way and that she approved of my method of vengeance, despite her kind soul.

“I left that night, and I never looked back. I ran as far as I could, not even looking at what town or state I’d been in, so I could never find that place again.”

I smiled as I met Giana’s gaze, seeing the acceptance and understanding shining there that was working to heal my jagged soul.

“I lived on the streets, committing petty crimes just to survive.” I frowned at the scraps of memories from that time. “I was slowly learning how to live. I had no idea how the world worked, that there were rules or laws, especially since nothing had happened to my parents after they killed Anne. I had to take her justice into my own hands.

“I had focused on getting revenge, and then, once I took them down, I focused on surviving. And, eventually, it turned into living. I went to the library and learned how to read and write. I learned that there were supposed to be systems in place to protect kids like me, but I knew that they didn’t always work, that there was greed, corruption, and injustice everywhere I looked.

“I started running with gangs and slowly began to make enough money to build a life of my own, but being under the thumb of someone else always chafed and ended up getting me into more trouble in the long run.” I grinned devilishly at her, glad to be at the part of my story where I felt more like myself and the man I was today. “I bounced around until I met Merrick and Kellan. I saw what they wanted to build, how they wanted to work from the inside to bring down the major players. For the first time in my life, I found friends, people like me. I saw the vengeance in their hearts, and I knew that our paths would align somehow.

“And all of that brought me here to you.”

I smiled wistfully, summoning as much confidence as I could muster as I met her gaze. That wasn’t a problem I usually had, but I’d also never been so vulnerable with anyone before.

“I see you,” she whispered, cupping my face with her hands as her gaze bore into me. It was soft yet unyielding, assuring me that she would sit here as long as I needed to let her words sit in. She wouldn’t leave me. She wouldn’t hurt me. She was my protector as much as I was hers. She’d forgotten her strength, but it had never left her. Giana was not a victim, and neither was I.

“I see every part of you, Spade, your mind, your heart, your soul, and I love every single part of you.”

Her words wrenched my heart, consuming every part of me and leaving me whole, like she was soothing the tattered remains of my soul.

I hadn’t realized how hard my pulse had been pounding until her words eased the steady staccato, healing parts of me that I hadn’t even thought could be repaired. I’d been scared. For the first time in years, I’d been terrified of what she would think of me after I showed her my wounds. But, now, it was like I was set free.

I would always carry the scars, and I would cherish the memory of my sister and protect anyone I could, but by sharing my story with my sugar, I could finally breathe for the first time in . . . I didn’t know how long.

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