Page 11 of New Resolutions

Maybe I should have stayed and waited for him to come back. I should have confronted him. But I didn’t want him to tell me I was right. It would have killed me to be told that I was just another one of his passing distractions. For all I know this is why no one remembers him being at all the Christmas parties. He shows up just long enough to pick a victim for the night and shows her paradise, gives her the world, and then leaves before she can figure out who he really is.

How many have there been before me? How many will there be after me?

A fresh bought of tears hits me like a punch to the gut. It’s the ones who will come after me that hurt so much that it feels like I’m bleeding from my heart, and I might never stop. It means all the things I thought were special between us really weren’t. It means I’ll be forgotten by the time the new year starts. He might even have someone else by then. It means…I have to find another job.

I can’t stay. I can’t be at another Christmas party and see him move through the crowd to the girl he picks and watch as he makes her laugh and slowly seduces her away from it. I can’t even stomach the thought of them leaving together without my tummy lurching dangerously close to vomiting. I just can’t.

Hell, I'm not even sure if I can stay in the same city. What are the chances I will ever see him again? Still, there is a chance,and I can’t take that risk with my heart being so broken over this man. And he has me cussing now. Something I never do because I work with kids.

I was just becoming happy again. I had found my friend, my job, my place in life. If I had known who he was, I would never have left the party with him, never have danced with him. So, despite being hurt and sad, I’m also angry and upset and…mad! Thus, the cussing.

To make matters worse, I haven’t talked to or seen Sarah since the party. It’s like even she has ghosted me. Only, I’m kind of glad I’ve not had to pretend nothing is wrong or admit what I did. Even if I tried to hide it, would she be able to tell anyway?

By the time the next morning rolls around, I’ve probably only eaten once and cried for hours until I had to put ice packs on my eyes to try to take the swelling down enough to see. I look like, well to be frank about it, crap. He's destroyed me.

The worst part of it is that I keep replaying our time together over and over in my head like a movie on repeat. It’s fresh and raw and I wake up reaching for someone who will never be there again. I hate him. But I also think I love him. As stupid as it sounds, I think over the little time I was with him, I gave him my heart. So stupid.

I dread stepping into the building where it all started again and think about calling in sick, but I don’t want to leave the daycare understaffed or let the kids down. So, I keep my head down and my pain inside, pasting on a fake smile for the guard at the door -not the same one at the party, thank God. But as soon as the elevators swish open on my floor, Sarah is there with a happy smile on her face and a blush across her cheeks. She’s so pretty every day but today…she’s especially beautiful.

“Charity! You’ll never guess what happened!” She practically floats towards me and the first real smile I’ve felt since I left him blooms across my face.

“Whatever it is, it looks good on you.”

I think it’s love. I saw it on my face for a brief moment in time.

“The best thing happened! I found…” Before she can start telling me, the door to the daycare opens, and in steps a tall dark man that is vaguely familiar to me but I can’t place where I’ve seen him.

Sarah lets out an excited yelp and shouts his name, “Javi!”

She flings herself into his arms.

“Did you come to see me?”

He sets her back from him and a sinking sensation hits my tummy low because ‘Javi’ isn’t happy to be here.

“Not exactly, sweetheart.”

Sarah pulls back from him and the lump of lead that formed in my stomach starts turning molten.

“I’m here for her.” He points to me. “For the boss.”

Oh shit! I’m being fired.

Sarah turns to look at me with concern and confusion in her eyes. “Charity? What would he want with Charity?”

Not a thing. The thought has me near tears.

Javi gives her a sad look but doesn’t answer her questions.

“Will you come with me, ma’am?”

Do I actually have a choice? I should have called in sick. I nod and walk towards the door. If this is me getting fired let’s just get it over with. Before I walk out the door, I grab my bag and coat. No reason to come back.

“What…? What the hell is going on? Charity?”

I can’t start telling her because I’ll lose the cold exterior I have worked so hard to put on. I would start crying and never stop. I just shake my head and roll my lips around my teeth, so I don’t accidentally start spilling all my secrets.

“Tell me what is going on? Javi?!”

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