Page 25 of Devotion

I meet one of the nurses who’s recently started at the palace clinic, and we have a pleasant conversation for a few minutes before I make my way back to our room. I’ve opened the door a few inches when I’m suddenly aware that Gabriel is speaking.

Maybe someone has stopped by to visit. I don’t want to interrupt. So I pause, listening before I barge in.

“What are you talking about?” he asks, sounding slightly confused but not annoyed.

When there’s no answer, I realize he must be on the phone. He doesn’t get many calls. The phone system only services the palace complex itself.

“Why would I swap?”

I have no idea what he’s talking about. It’s probably inappropriate, but I’m curious so I keep listening, poised in the doorway with the door only partly open.

“Oh, I understand, but I don’t want to swap. For one, I don’t want a male partner. I prefer women.”

I gasp sharply as I suddenly realize what this conversation is about. Someone has called him up and asked to switch partners.

It happens. Semiregularly. Administrators can change partners as they wish, and it’s easier and simpler to swap than to discard a partner and pick a new one from the selection group.

But the idea of being swapped away from Gabriel is really upsetting. My stomach twists, and my hands start to shake.

“Yeah, I get that,” Gabriel is saying now, still sounding relaxed and casual. “But I don’t really want to pick a new woman for a partner either. I’m used to Jess.”

While his being used to me isn’t much of a compliment, at least it’s reassuring that he doesn’t want to get rid of me.

There’s a longer pause this time. Then it sounds like he might finally be interrupting the other person. “Yes. Yes. Stella, I hear what you’re saying. I understand it’s normal practice, but I’m settled, and I don’t like change. Jess suits me fine.”

Stella. Stella is asking to change partners. For some reason she’s decided she wants me instead of Benji.

“It’s my decision, right?” After a brief pause, he continues, “All right then. That’s my final decision. I don’t want to messwith someone new. … Of course. I’m not offended at all. There’s no harm in asking. … Yes, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When I’m sure he’s ended the conversation, I swing open the door and say brightly, “I’ve got the medication. Sorry it took so long.”

“No worries.” He glances up from his desk as I approach, then accepts the pills and the glass of water I pour him. “Thanks for getting that for me.”

I wait to see if he’ll say anything about the call and Stella’s request, but he doesn’t. He’s immediately focused back on his work.

Oh well. At least he wants to keep me. His words might not have been entirely flattering—he’s used to me, he doesn’t like change, I suit him fine—but it would be silly for me to hope he feels more strongly about me than that. He’s generous and considerate and interesting and has learned to appreciate what I can do for him within the limits of what he’ll allow. That’s perfectly acceptable for two months in. He’s loosened up with me significantly, and I’ve been happy about that. I’m not going to let one overheard conversation change my perceptions about myself and my situation.

I’ll have to be more careful about who I smile at, however. I don’t want anyone else getting the idea that I’m looking to swap.

8

Saturday of that same week,my sixty-sixth day as Gabriel’s partner, is my second full day off.

Partners get four hours off once a week and one full free day a month.

I’ve been excited about spending all day with my family, and Gabriel even gave me extra credits besides the normal ones he gives me for treats to bring home, so I’m able to take my mom and sister shopping and buy them a few new clothes.

We have a great time shopping and two good meals, and my father wants to hear about all the palace news, so we talk and laugh a lot. I’m in a good mood as I return.

It’s late, but Gabriel is still up and working at his desk. He pauses to greet me and ask about my day. He’s pleased that my family enjoyed the treats and that my mom and Carrie were able to pick out some new clothes.

Since I’m wide-awake and jittery, I decide to take a bath to try to relax before bed.

I soak in the big tub for a long time and then get ready for bed in one of the silky white gowns I always wear to sleep in.

Gabriel is still in his desk chair but not working when I come out. He’s staring at an empty spot in the air.

“I’m sorry,” I say quickly. “Was I too long in there? Were you ready for bed?”

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