Page 3 of Devotion

I’m not sure whether he’s talking to me or to himself, but either way, it’s not a promising sign of things to come.

I’ve never beenin one of the private suites in the palace before, so I’m exhilarated and rather awestruck as I follow Gabriel back to his room on the third floor of the main building in the sprawling palace complex.

It’s a large space with high ceilings and three wide windows across one wall. There are piles of books and papers on the desk, which is positioned to take advantage of the view out the central window. In one corner is a seating group—a sofa and two upholstered chairs—as well as a small two-person dining table. In the other corner is a big bed with luxurious covers in shades of slate blue. The floors are a polished tile with area rugs in the seating area and next to the bed. There’s a door leading to a private bathroom, and one of the windows has a deep alcove fitted with a covered mattress and an arrangement of cushions and blankets.

I immediately hurry over and settle into the window nook, my designated spot.

Gabriel stands in the middle of the room and stares at me. A couple of strands of his hair have slipped out of the tie. He’s got thin, mobile lips and high cheekbones. A broad forehead. He’s wearing what I’d consider a perfectly average outfit for an administrator. Basic black trousers and a loose, collarless shirt in a dark gray. The clothes are well tailored, but he clearly doesn’t spend a lot of time on his appearance, unlike other palace officials I’ve met. He comes across as smart and mature. Cerebral rather than carnal. But he’s in good physical shape for a man with a desk job. He must exercise regularly.

When he doesn’t say anything, I smile at him. “Can I do anything for you right now?”

“I don’t need to be waited on. I’m used to doing things myself.”

I raise my eyebrows, wondering if he’s never had a partner’s role fully explained. Maybe that’s why he’s so grumpy about it. “I’m not here to wait on you. There’s domestic staff at the palace who handle all the cooking and cleaning and errands. I’m your partner.”

He clears his throat. “I understand that you chose this, but I’m not… from around here. This is not how I do relationships.”

“Oh. I see the confusion.” I’ve been trying to keep my eyes down in the manner I’ve been taught, but I don’t like having conversations like that. I need to see Gabriel’s face so I can get a sense of what he’s thinking. “This isn’t a romantic relationship. I’m also not a pet or a prostitute. You’re misunderstanding my role.”

He’s frowning again. More in confusion than in annoyance now. “Explain it to me one more time. Because I understood this was mostly about sex. And maybe I’m not in sync withthis sophisticated palace lifestyle, but I’m not inclined toward picking sex partners out of a lineup.”

He’s clever. His dry tone makes me want to chuckle. I don’t, of course. “It often involves sex, but it doesn’t have to. My job is to soften your life. Bring you pleasure and relief when you need it. I can help you relax. You’re going to need it since administrators have such difficult, stressful jobs. I can do that with as much intimacy as you prefer.”

“How exactly would you bring me pleasure in a way that’s not intimate?” He’s thinking through what I’ve told him. He’s taking me seriously. I can see it on his face.

“We don’t have to fuck. A lot of people prefer not to fuck their partners. I can pleasure you orally. That’s very common and much less intimate.” I explain that to him in a straightforward manner because it’s clear he needs to better understand palace culture. I’m not remotely embarrassed by what I told him.

Not until I see him flushing slightly. “Pleasure me… orally.”

I can’t tell if the repeated words are a question or instructions he wants me to follow. “Yes. Of course I can do that. Would you like me to?”

“And that’s less intimate than sex?”

“Yes. Why would it be intimate?” I’m genuinely confused now and getting kind of flustered by the repeated questioning. It’s making me feel unsure about my role now, when before it’s always been so clear-cut and simple in my mind. “It would make you feel good and relax you without us sharing anything of ourselves.”

“You’re serious? You would give me a blow job and not feel like it’s intimate at all?”

“Of course.” My eyes are wide. I probably look bewildered because that’s how I feel. I’ve never been very good at hiding my emotions.

“So you’ve had a lot of sex before, and you’re able to detach from it?”

“No. I’ve actually never had intercourse before because I’ve known I wanted to be a partner for most of my life. Some administrators prefer for their partners to be virgins. Not everyone cares, but why eliminate possibilities unnecessarily? But I’ve pleasured men and women orally before. I needed practice so I could be good at it. I don’t detach. It’s not something bad or unpleasant that I need to detach from. You understood what I told you before, right? I’ve been working toward this position for ten years. I want to do this, and I think I’ll do a good job if you let me.”

“Oh my God,” he breathes out, glancing away.

I haven’t heard anyone reference a deity in ages—not since my Christian grandmother died when I was twelve. No one uses it as even an exclamation anymore. Gabriel must be from farther away from the Central Cities than I imagined.

Before I can say anything else, he mutters, “This is the weirdest fucking city.”

Hurt by his remark, I drop my eyes and stiffen my shoulders.

He must recognize it because he says, “I’m sorry. Please don’t take it personally. I’m just… not from around here.”

“I understand.”

“It’s not about you. You’re beautiful—really damn beautiful—and I’m sure you’d be great at… at your job. But this isn’t who I am.”

“I see.” I take a shaky little breath, still upset and more confused than ever. “So what would you like me to do?”

---