Page 43 of Devotion

Because it’s not wrong for Gabriel to feel good, but it is wrong for me to be doing this. It’s not right. It’s contrary to every impulse and expectation of a palace partner.

I give myself to him. I’m not allowed to take anything for myself.

So I’m physically sated but also shaky and guilty as I leave the bathroom. To my relief, Gabriel is still sleeping peacefully.

I’ve got to figure out a way to give him what he needs without trying to take any of the pleasure for myself.

12

The following morning,I wake up when Gabriel gets out of bed. Groggy, I try to sit up while he’s in the bathroom, but I can’t make myself.

I do manage to lift my head as he comes out dressed for swimming. “Is the pool open today?”

“It’s supposed to be.” He looks at me in my window alcove for several seconds. It’s mostly dark in the room, so I have no idea what he’s thinking.

Before I can ask about it, he turns and leaves the room without another word.

I should start moving, but there’s no real hurry. I get more comfortable and wait to see if Gabriel will return soon because the pool is still closed. If it is, maybe he’ll want me to give him another long morning session.

I’m not sure how long I wait before I accidentally fall back asleep.

The next thing I’m aware of is a gentle hand on my shoulder and a familiar, soft voice saying my name. “Jess. Jess.”

Blinking, I fight to make my eyes and brain function enough to orient myself.

It’s Gabriel who’s waking me. I do know that much.

“Gabriel,” I mumble, forcing my eyes open.

He must be kneeling next to my window seat, because his face is startlingly close. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah. I think so.” I take a few deep breaths and raise my head. “Is it time to get up?”

“You’re normally up by now, so I was worried. Are you sick?”

“No.” My mind has finally cleared enough to remember what day it is and what’s going on. Gabriel smells like soap, so he’s obviously returned from swimming and has already taken a shower. He’s not dressed though. He’s wearing his sleep shorts, and it’s not as light outside as it normally is when he gets back from his swim. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I fell back asleep. Did you need me?”

“Not if you want to sleep more. But how would you feel about doing me like yesterday morning?”

And that’s enough to fully wake me up.

My blood coursing with excitement, I lever myself up to a sitting position. “Of course!”

“I guess it’s kind of selfish to wake you up for just that.”

“No, it’s not selfish at all! I’m excited. Just let me run to the bathroom real quick and then I’ll be ready.”

He’s smiling just a little as he stands up and heads toward the bed.

On my way to the bathroom, I check the clock and realize he actually cut his swim shorter than usual—an hour and a half instead of his normal two hours. The only possible reason for this is that he wanted to leave enough time in his schedule for me to take care of him.

I really can’t believe it. It’s like a dream come true.

I do what I need in the bathroom quickly. I’m carrying the body oil and still wearing my nightgown as I return to find Gabriel lying on his stomach on the bed like yesterday.

He lifts his head to watch me approach.

I pause. “Do you want me to take off my gown?”

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