Page 15 of Devotion

“Can I do something for you in return?”

It takes me a moment to realize what he’s asking. Then I gasp and stiffen. “No! I told you yesterday. I don’t want that.”

He watches me without speaking.

“I’m sorry to be sharp,” I add quickly. “I know you’re not used to how things are here. But it’s actually an insult to ask me that. I don’t please you with the expectation of getting anything for myself.”

He appears to believe me. “Okay. I think I understand, and I won’t ask you again. Thank you for doing that for me. I’ve got to get back to work now.”

I nod, smiling at him again as I go to the bathroom to clean up, pee, and try to cool down. I’m way too excited, and it’s ridiculous.

I’m doing my job. I’m happy that he’s finally letting me, but that’s all it is.

Hopefully this means he’ll keep letting me do it.

For the next month,Gabriel lets me give him a fifteen-minute break every afternoon. A brief massage and a blow job. It’s not much in the scheme of things, but it’s as consistent as clockwork. Not always at the exact same time, but he never goes an afternoon without asking for it except for on my one monthly free day.

I still think I could do more for him, but at least he’s letting me do this. And I honestly do believe I’m helping him. He’s always a lot more relaxed and focused after I take care of him.

This is a good life for me. I have safety, comfortable surroundings, pretty clothes, every modern convenience, and a leisurely schedule. But Gabriel’s daily break is still the best part of my days. I wait for it breathlessly every afternoon.

I also enjoy attending the public meetings with him. I hear a lot about the ins and outs of running the Central Cities, and I’ve gotten a pretty clear sense of the president and most of the other administrators at the palace. There’s a lot of politicking going on, but Gabriel intentionally stays out of most of it. He only socializes when he has to, and I’ve heard him avoid getting drawn into schemes and agendas multiple times.

He’s not here to gain power or move up the political ladder. He’s here to do a job.

I like that about him, and I hope it won’t end up backfiring in the boiling pot of palace politics.

My future is now inextricably tied to Gabriel’s, so naturally I want him to succeed.

On a Saturday, my thirty-eighth day as Gabriel’s partner, I walk down to the shops just outside the palace complex so I can buy a few things for my family this evening with the creditsGabriel gave me. I’ve filled a basket with fruit and sweets plus a couple of bottles of fruit wine. I saved some extra Saturday credits from the past few weeks, so I’m also able to purchase a book for my father, fancy yarn for my mother, pipe tobacco for my grandfather, and a hair clip for my younger sister Carrie.

I’m happy and pleased with both Gabriel and myself as I wait to pay. A little girl in front of me with her mother is staring at me in wide-eyed awe—it’s probably clear from my hair and outfit that I’m a partner at the palace—so I smile at her, making her giggle and hide her face.

When the girl’s mother sees me, she insists that I go ahead of her in line. It’s hard to get used to this kind of respect and admiration, but she’d be offended if I refused. I thank her, and after my purchases have been added up, I use the remaining partial credit to buy the little girl a piece of jellied candy that clearly makes her entire day.

I’m leaving when I run into Kyra and another partner on the road. They’ve also been shopping and are on their way back to the palace, so I walk with them.

I like both of them, and it’s evident from their friendly gossip that their partners are much more enthusiastic about their services than Gabriel is. Kyra is laughingly complaining that she was up most of the night pleasuring the woman she’s paired with, who was so loud in her ecstasy that the guards came to check on them, and Verity says that her administrator, the Master of Roads, gets bad-tempered if he doesn’t get serviced at least three times a day.

I respond in a friendly, laughing manner, but I don’t volunteer any information about Gabriel’s habits.

It’s not that I’m embarrassed about him. I’m a little embarrassed aboutme. I’m clearly not appealing enough to tempt Gabriel to more than one fifteen-minute break a day.

I know I shouldn’t take it personally. Gabriel told me it wasn’t personal. He simply isn’t in sync with this part of palace culture. But still…

It would be nice if he enjoyed me enough to want at least a little bit more.

I shakeoff the insecurity by the time I return to our room. Gabriel has been working since his morning swim, and because he doesn’t have any meetings this morning, he’ll likely work all the way to bedtime.

There’s no reason for me to be discontent about my situation. It’s better than most women dream of in this world. He’s generous and treats me well even if he doesn’t value what I can do for him. Things could be so much worse, and it’s not right for me to be mentally wishing he were different than he is.

I’m his partner, and I need to trust him. He told me he’s solely focused on work and that there’s nothing wrong with me or the way I do my job. There’s plenty to like about him, so I’m going to set my mind on that and not on anything that might be lacking.

He glances up when I come in and asks if I got anything good for my family, so I show him my purchases and he approves. He thumbs through the book I bought my father and looks at me questioningly. “I thought you said your family was labor class.”

“They are.”

“Your father can read well enough for this book?”

---