Page 50 of Devotion

Gabriel makes a sharp turn down an alley, dragging me with him. The guys run after us, and Gabriel thrusts me behind him. So abruptly I use my hands to break my impact against a construction work cart that’s being stowed here.

I’d never for a moment doubt Gabriel’s ability to hold his own in a physical altercation. He’s in good shape from regular swimming, and his father taught him self-defense.

But there are two men, and they’re both about the same size as Gabriel. They look like they hate him. Hate me too. I’ve never experienced anything like it.

I’m too scared to scream or even whimper. I stand frozen, hugging my arms to my chest as I watch one and then the other man lunge toward Gabriel. He sidesteps both advances and then levels a good blow that actually knocks one of the men down.

The other makes a move toward me, but Gabriel grabs him and hauls him back. They scuffle violently, but then the first man starts to stand up. In a panic, I grab a metal pipe from the work cart and swing it hard at the man before he gains his feet. It hits the back of his head, and he collapses back to the pavement.

When I look at Gabriel, utterly shocked I was capable of such a thing, I catch him staring at me with a similar surprise. And also something like awe. He’s managed to knock the other man out now.

Neither one of them is unconscious, but they’re on the ground.

Gabriel gently takes the pipe out of my hands and drops it with a clatter. Then he grabs my hand and pulls me into a run.

This time nothing stops us. We reach the motor, and Gabriel jams it into drive and peels out of the parking spot.

Soon the sounds of the riot fade. I lean forward toward my lap, trying to catch my breath and settle my spinning mind.

“Are you okay, baby?” he asks hoarsely, cutting his eyes from the road to my face and then back again.

“I’m okay. What… I don’t understand. Why were they rioting like that?”

“I don’t know what set them off. But it’s not surprising when the government keeps its people on such a tight leash.”

I frown up at him, briefly distracted from the aftermath of confusion and panic. “But it’s not… it’s not that bad here. It’s safe. And… and…” I don’t have the words to continue I would have had a few months ago. Because I’m suddenly not convinced that the easy answers that used to come to me are true.

Maybe it’s safe here, but is it really good?

I don’t know anymore.

“There have never been riots before,” I whisper.

“Yes, there have. There have been at least two since I’ve arrived here.”

“What?”

“They hush them up as much as possible. That one was the biggest one yet, so I’m not sure whether they’ll be able to keep it quiet.”

“I… I didn’t know.”

I didn’t know a lot of things.

I’m not even sure I know them now.

The riot was triggeredby the closing of a large worksite that employed at least two hundred people. Gabriel tells me thefollowing day after a meeting with the president. They’ve already cleaned up the damage and imprisoned the ringleaders. The city is back to what it was before.

Which isn’t what I used to believe.

My life goes back to normal too, defined by the walls of the palace and by my relationship with Gabriel. I don’t get to go on any further outings, but neither does Gabriel. He works at his desk, and he goes to meetings. I read and knit and draw. I help Gabriel relax and I bring him pleasure.

That’s our life. It’s never going to be anything different.

On my 145th day as Gabriel’s partner, I wake up as he’s leaving the room for his morning swim. It’s pitch-black outside since it’s still at the tail end of winter, but I went to bed early last night, so I’m not particularly tired this morning.

I stay under the covers, jittering internally about getting to take care of Gabriel soon. It shouldn’t still be so exciting. It’s the same repeated routine. I use the same massage techniques. The same skills to suck him off. There should be a tedium to the sameness the way there is with the rest of my days, but there’s not.

For some reason being with him in that intimate way feels new and exciting every time.

---