Page 53 of Devotion

Trying even harder to rein in my mood, I walk upstairs to our room and let myself in. Unsurprisingly, Gabriel is still up and still seated at his desk, his head tilted down toward the sheaf of papers he’s reading through and his right hand holding a pen poised over a page in his notebook.

He slants me a quick smile as I walk in. He’s jotting a note to himself as he asks, “How’s your family doing?”

“Great. They’re doing great.”

As far as I can hear, my voice is natural and composed, sounding no different than it does when I’ve returned from my visit any other Saturday evening.

But Gabriel lowers his pen, his eyes following me as I head for my window seat so I can sit down and untie my street shoes. “Is something going on?” he asks at last.

I blink at him innocently. “What do you mean?”

A frown deepens on his face. “What’s going on, Jess?”

Shit. The man is far too smart and observant. It’s highly inconvenient for keeping a secret. “Nothing is going on. Why are you asking me that?”

“I’m asking because you’re lying to me.”

“I’m not ly?—”

“You’re pretending nothing has happened when it’s blatantly obvious that something has.” He’s speaking softly—he almost never raises his voice and has never once done so in anger—but his tone is stern. Slightly disapproving. “You think I can’t read you? You think I don’t know you by now?”

Of course he does. He knows me as well as I know him—and I know him more intimately than anyone else in my life. Including my own family.

I’ve never been a very good actor, and I simply can’t hide my moods from Gabriel.

“I’m sorry.” I edge my feet into the soft slippers I wear in the room and then lean back against my cushions with a long exhale. “I didn’t want to hide anything from you. But I’m not supposed to talk about it.”

His expression changes. “Why can’t you talk about it to me?”

“I want to,” I admit. “As soon as I heard the news, I wanted to tell you. But my family said we need to keep quiet about it.”

He’s pushed his chair out from his desk and turned it toward me. He leans forward, bracing his forearms on his knees. “You know perfectly well I’ll keep your secrets like my own. If something is going on with you—good or bad—then I need to know.”

He means it. It’s so clear to me that he’s fully accepted responsibility for me, so much so that it offends him when I hold anything back. A wave of affection washes over me, filling me with warmth and security that starts in my heart and spreads out through the rest of my body.

I have to clear a small lump in my throat before I answer. “My dad got a new job.”

He sits up straight with a small twitch. “He did?”

“Yes. It’s an even better job than the one you got for him. It’s an amazing job. It’s in the Outer Cities. In Saint Louis.”

“They’re moving?” He sounds surprised but not disapproving.

“Yes. I wasn’t happy at first, but it’s… It’s all amazing. It’s a really good job. The same kind of clerical work that he’s doing now but at a higher level. But they have a whole different currency system there. You know, of course, since you lived there, but I didn’t know anything about it. His pay will be much better, and housing comes as part of the job. So most of their income won’t have to go to rent. My grandpa won’t even have to work! He can just do his gardening and work around the house like he wants. I really can’t believe how good it will be for them there. I used to think the Capital was the best place to be, but I’m really questioning that now. They’re all so excited. The man who will be his boss met him on a work visit and was so impressed that he offered the job. But you know how it is to try to relocate out of the Central Cities. It seemed smartest to keep things quiet until they’re on their way and safely across the border so no one tries to stop them.”

Gabriel has been listening to my rambling with his characteristic focus. “But what about you? You won’t be able to visit them anymore.”

“Not every week. But it’s only a four-hour ride in a good vehicle. I won’t be able to send them my salary since they’ll beacross the border, so I’ll have all those credits to use. I can hire a car to take me there and back on my day off. It will be expensive, but I should have enough credits most months.”

“But that will still only leave you a few hours to see them each month.” He’s very concerned. His forehead is creased, and his lips are turned downward. “Driving there and back will take most of your day.”

“I know. I’ll miss them of course. But it’s such a better situation for them that I’m still happy about it. I can visit once a month, and they’ll be so much more comfortable and secure. I honestly didn’t think anything could be better than life in the Capital, but I was totally wrong about that. It’s going to be way better for them in Saint Louis. I want that for them.”

His frown relaxes. “All right. Then I’m happy for them too. And of course I won’t mention it to anyone. What about Carrie? Doesn’t she want to become a palace partner like you?”

My face twists slightly. “She did. I mean, that was absolutely the best future for her here. But—I had no idea about this either—she can go to school in Saint Louis. They have higher levels there, and they’re open to anyone under eighteen. So she can go to school for almost five years if she wants. She’s so excited about that.”

Gabriel nods slowly. “That would be a good thing for her. She’ll have any number of options opened up for her if she stays in school that long. She can have a much more secure future there than staying in the Capital.”

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