Page 60 of Devotion

When I come out, Gabriel looks up again, watching me as I return to the window seat. He doesn’t say anything, but he keeps staring.

I finally ask, “What is it?”

“Are you sure you’re not sick?”

“No! Of course not.”

“And nothing is wrong?”

“Why would anything be wrong? I’ve just been hanging out here all day.”

“I know. Did you talk to anyone on your walk?”

He sometimes asks about people I encounter, but it’s usually from relaxed curiosity. Right now he’s clearly searching for answers, and that’s the one thing I can’t let him discover.

“Not really. I chatted with one of the guards. Hal. He’s the redhead with the bushy beard.”

“Oh yeah. What did he have to say for himself?”

“Not much. He and his wife just had another baby, so he’s all excited about that.”

Gabriel mentally files away that piece of information, but he’s more interested in scrutinizing my expression than in Hal’s family life.

His concern is making everything worse. Why the hell does he even care how I feel if he thinks of me the way he described on the phone?

“Do you need anything right now?” I ask, hoping he’ll take the hint and let me get back to my pretense of reading.

“No.” He glances at the clock. “Too early for a break yet. If you’re sure you’re okay?” He lifts his tone at the end, making the words a question.

“I’m fine. I don’t know why you’ve gotten that idea in your head today.”

“I don’t know why either. But I’m usually not wrong about this kind of thing, and something feels off.”

“It’s not.”

He lets it go, so I hope I’ve assuaged his concern. I go back to fake reading for another hour until I feel his eyes on me again.

This time it feels different. I look at the time. “Are you ready for a break?”

“Do you feel like it today?”

“Of course I feel like it! You know I’m always happy to take care of you.” I’m not telling him the whole truth. Usually I’m so eager I jump at the chance to meet his needs, but today a heavy reluctance is dragging me down. I fight through it, however.

This is my job. And nothing has changed since this morning except that my false perception about our relationship has been corrected.

It doesn’t matter if he cares about me or not. He still needs the release I can offer him, and it’s my responsibility to make sure he gets it.

He’s quiet as I move to rub his shoulders and neck, and he’s still quiet as he relaxes and I walk around to kneel in front of him.

I undo his pants to pull out his cock, but before I lean forward, he takes my face in both his hands and tilts it up so he can study it.

“What is it?” I whisper after a long moment. I have to suppress those angsty shudders that start in my heart and ripple through my entire body.

“Just checking. You really want to do this?”

“Of course I want to do it!”

He must believe me. He swallows and slides his fingers through my loose hair to the back of my head as he guides me toward his partly erect cock.

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