Page 83 of Devotion

“But… but they’ll kill you! They’ll kill you for that!”

“No, they won’t. Not if I can get away. But I need to do it now. Now, before anyone realizes what I’ve done.”

“But you can’t run away! We would have done it days ago if we could have gotten across the border. How will you get through the checkpoints?”

“They’ll let me out of the city. I’ll make up some excuse. They won’t get the alert about me until Vincent discovers what I’ve done later this morning.”

“But how will you get across the border?” There’s a sob in my voice as I think about him out in the countryside, pursued by guards and threatened by bandits and with no way to defend himself.

“I’ve got a contact for a rebel group that’s been getting folks across. Hopefully they’ll help me. It’s dangerous, but I have no choice anymore. Every page of my work has been burned.”

“But—” A sob pushes its way through my throat. My whole body shakes with the spasms of emotion.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I know it’s terrible. But I’m not going to let it happen. I’m not going to be the man they want me to be. I’m not going to go along with something so wrong just because it’s safer.” He lets go of my hands and reaches up to take my face in his hands. “Listen to me. All my work since I got here has gone up in smoke, but not yours. Everything you’ve done for me—everything you’ve given me—has not been burned to ashes like mine. I won’t let it be. All your care and generosity and sweetness and heart has not been poured into a void. I’m going to be the man you’ve believed me to be. I’m going to be the man you’ve made me. I’m going to do the right thing even if it kills me. And even if it means I lose you.”

I’m sobbing for real now, my eyes and nose running and helpless cries strangling in my throat. But I know what’s happening, and I know what I’m going to do. “Okay. Okay. I’m coming with you.” I pull my head out of his hands so I can stand up.

“No! No, baby. It’s too dangerous. I’m not going to let you get hurt or killed because of my decisions.” He sounds more scared now than I’ve ever heard him.

“But it will be just as dangerous for me to stay here! My fate is tied to yours now. They’ll believe I was part of it even if I wasn’t. They might try to use me to get to you. Or the president might make me one of his partners and take his anger at you out on me. Gabriel, please think. You can’t leave me here. There’s no way it will be safe.”

He stood up when I did, and he sways slightly as he processes my words. Then: “Okay. You’re right. You have to come with me. I’ll get you to your family. You should be safe there. Get dressed quick. Casual clothes you can walk a distance in.”

I’d much rather stay with Gabriel, but reaching my family is far better than staying here at the palace. This isn’t the time to argue or plead or make a case for how he should keep me as his partner. I do as he says, throwing on old trousers I haven’t worn since I came to the palace over a year ago and a dark top with my best walking shoes. I put on my locket and make sure the clasp is secure.

I’m braiding my hair as Gabriel finishes packing a bag with some essentials and what remains of the bread, meat, cheese, and fruit from our dinner.

I pick up my music box and wrap it in the mostly finished blanket I’ve been knitting for my grandfather. I also grab the sketch pad filled with my drawings from the past months. He slides my things into his bag as well.

Then he peeks out into the hallway. It must be empty, because he takes my hand and pulls me out of the door.

And that’s it.

It’s my 216th day as Gabriel’s partner, and our life at the palace—and my time as a partner—is over.

20

Gabriel requisitionsone of the palace motors.

It’s easy enough since administrators have free rein with the palace vehicles and equipment. He doesn’t let me go into the garage with him—my coming along would look suspicious—so I don’t know what excuse he uses for needing a vehicle in the wee hours of the morning. But he has no trouble getting it.

He told me to wait for him in a thick grouping of trees near the long driveway that leads out of the palace grounds. It’s only a few minutes before I hear the sound of an engine.

I make sure it’s actually Gabriel before I come out from the trees and onto the pavement. He’s in a very small motor—not one of the larger, faster vehicles that are intended for long distances. It’s not a motorbike, but it only has one seat in the passenger area. He opens the door and gestures with his head to indicate I’m to get onto the seat beside him.

Squeezing right beside him with my hip and thigh pressing against his is the only way to make it work in the small space.

“They wouldn’t let me take a bigger car,” he explains as I settle myself. “I told them I wanted to inspect the numbers and positioning of guards on the wall around the Capital at nightfor my project. They don’t know enough about what I’m doing to question it, but I couldn’t make a case for taking a larger vehicle.”

“That’s okay. It doesn’t matter if it’s cramped.”

“We’re fine to go through the city like this, but it’s not going to work at the checkpoint at the main gate out of the city. If I’m only inspecting the wall, there’s no reason for you to be with me. They’re going to question your presence and radio back to the palace before they let us out.”

I’m so wired and nervous my heart won’t stop racing in my chest. “So what will we do? There’s no way to get out of the city except through one of the gates, and if we wait too long, they’re going to figure out we’re gone from the palace.”

“I know. I talked them into this vehicle instead of a motorbike by saying this is the only thing I know how to drive. But the real reason is it has a trunk for cargo.” He’s every bit as tense as I am. There’s enough light from the illuminated streets to see that his skin is damp with perspiration even though it’s cool outside.

“I’ll get in the trunk. That’s what you’re thinking?”

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