Page 85 of Devotion

To my relief, he does. The motor starts moving in less than a minute.

I start feeling kind of sick as I get rattled by the motion. The idea of vomiting in this position overwhelms me with even more panic, and it takes a real mental battle to make myself think about something—anything—else.

Gabriel. That’s who I focus on. I imagine him behind the steering wheel. Driving up to the wall. When he stops after several minutes, I visualize what he must be seeing. The east gate. The guards stationed there.

He drives a little more. Stops again. There’s nothing at first, but then I hear muffled voices.

He’s giving them his excuse for leaving the walls of the city this early in the morning. It isn’t even dawn yet. He’ll probably offer the same excuse he gave the staff at the palace. It’s fairly flimsy as excuses go, but he’s an administrator. As far as any of the guards know at this point, he’s trusted. He has regular access to the president. They’ll have no reason to doubt him no matter what eccentric errand he’s off on.

They need to be convinced enough to let him through without contacting the palace or checking the trunk.

If we were at the border to the Central Cities right now, they’d check the trunk for sure. But we’re not. Gabriel only wantsto leave the city for an hour or two in a motor not intended to travel long distances.

Surely they won’t search it.

The conversation goes on longer than I was hoping, and although I can hear the vague, muffled sound of conversation, it’s not clear enough for me to distinguish any words.

I get more and more scared until I can barely lie still. I hug my knees to my chest and breathe with a slow, deep rhythm until I finally feel the vehicle start to move.

I almost sob with relief when we’re driving again. Gabriel hasn’t turned around or switched directions. They must be letting us through the gates and onto the main road leading away from the Capital.

He told me he needs to get to a point where we’re no longer in view from the gate before he can get me out of the trunk, so I know not to expect him to stop immediately. But I’m feeling more and more trapped. More and more restless. I’m so squirmy I can’t stay still, and my breath starts coming out in fast pants.

If I don’t get out of here soon, I’m going to throw up or pass out.

I know it for sure.

I lie in a dark, shaky blur for an endless amount of time. It’s probably no more than several minutes, but it feels like an eternity until the vehicle jerks to a stop.

It’s a matter of seconds after the stop when the trunk is being opened. A rush of cool air wafts against my hot skin.

“Fuck, baby.” He’s breathless. Guttural. “Let me get you out of there.”

He pulls me up by the shoulders, and as soon as I can get my feet to work, I help by pushing against the bottom of the compartment.

Gabriel lifts me out of the trunk and sets me down. When my feet connect with the ground, my knees buckle and I fall.

He wraps his arms around me as I burst into tears. “I’m so sorry. You’re okay. You’re okay now.”

I sob into his shirt for a few minutes, feeling like his arms, his body, are the only things holding me together.

But after the storm of emotion subsides, I’m able to pull away and straighten up.

Gabriel swipes away a few remaining tears with his fingers. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

“It’s not your fault. You don’t have to say sorry. Our only other choices are a lot worse than this one.”

“I know they are.”

The night is dark, but the moon is almost full, so there’s enough light to see the vast landscape. Fields of long grass. The gradual slope of hills. The Capital still visible in the far distance. My chest aches as I stare at it.

“You ready?” Gabriel asks softly.

“Yeah.” I swallow and smile as I notice something. “Look. Wildflowers. They’re like the ones on my locket.”

Gabriel’s eyes follow my gesture to the three pink wildflowers breaking the gray-green of the grass. They’re half closed in the cool night, but they make me happy anyway. “I think they’re a hopeful sign.”

“Yeah. Maybe they are.” Gabriel smiles back at me for a moment. Then his expression changes. “We can’t stop here long. We need to get as far away as we can. It’s almost dawn. In a couple of hours, Vincent will be in his office.”

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