Page 90 of Devotion

Life in the palace was clean and comfortable and felt safe, but that’s all over now.

It was never as safe as I believed it to be.

The sun is starting to set when we go back inside. The day has been endless, and we’re still several hours from midnight.

Gabriel pulls a battery-operated lantern out of our pack and turns it on so that it doesn’t get too dark inside the cabin. We eat a little more. Settle on the cot again.

“You should try to sleep more,” Gabriel murmurs, wrapping an arm around me as I lean against him.

“I can’t. But you should sleep. You didn’t get a nap this afternoon like I did, and you didn’t get any sleep at all last night.”

“I’m not going to be able to sleep until you’re safe.”

His heart is beating fast in his chest. I can feel it with my ear pressed against him. He’s just as tense and nervous as I am. Maybe more so.

I suddenly know what to do.

Straightening up, I raise myself onto my knees and reach over so I can rub his shoulders.

“What are you doing, baby?” he murmurs thickly, turning his head to see me.

“I want to do this.”

“I’m okay. You don’t need to do anything for me.”

“But I want to.”

He holds himself very still. “Why?”

“Because it makes you feel better.”

There’s a slight break in my voice, and he hears it. He lets out a short breath and relaxes slightly. “Okay. But I’m really all right.”

“I’m not.”

He keeps his head turned to meet my eyes as I get in a better position to massage his neck and shoulders. I take my time, pleased when he eventually softens up, drops his head, and closes his eyes.

I channel all my nerves and uncertainty into working on his body. I focus on his shoulders and neck for a while until I gently push him forward so I can get better access to his back.

He lets me, his breath slowing and lengthening as his muscles relax.

At least this much hasn’t changed. I’m still capable of taking care of him. Making him feel better.

It goes on for a long time, but eventually I’m satisfied with the state of his upper body, so I climb off the cot and kneel on the floor in front of him.

He’s had his eyes closed, focused on relaxing, but at my move he stiffens dramatically. “What are you doing, baby?” The question is more urgent this time.

“You know what I’m doing.”

“No.” He frames my face with his hands. “No, Jess. You don’t have to do that for me right now.”

“I know I don’t have to. I want to.”

“I’m okay. The massage helped. Thank you for that. But I’m really okay. You don’t need to do this.”

“I said I want to.”

“We can do something else then. Come back up here. We’ll do something reciprocal.”

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