Page 14 of Ashes to Ashes

ChapterSix

Rae

With tears in her eyes,Charlotte hugged me goodbye one final time while Julian Gage stood by the door with the last of her bags at his feet. Not knowing when I’d see her next, I hugged Charlotte back and prayed to a god I didn’t believe in to keep my best friend safe from harm. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her because one of my narcissist ex-husband’s fans had gone off the deepend.

“Promise you’ll check in every day,” she implored, pulling back to stare atme.

Swiping away my own tears, I nodded. “Of course. I’m going to call and message you so many times you’ll be begging me to leave you alone.”

I was only half joking. Alone time wasn’t something I was good at. My last therapist hypothesized my need to be around people was why I’d fought tooth and nail to carve out a career with thousands of adoring fans. It wasn’t that I needed their validation; I simply needed their company. Truth be told, I didn’t like where my mind went when things got too quiet.

“Thank god for unlimited texting plans!” she exclaimed with forced enthusiasm. Then, dropping her voice so Gage wouldn’t hear, she whispered, “You have to tell me everything that happens withAsh.”

I groaned. “I already told you, nothing’s going to happen. He’s my bodyguard. That’sall.”

Charlotte snorted. “With a bodyguard who looks that good, maybe you should have enraged Ford’s fans sooner. Besides, it’s not like you don’t already know what he’s working with.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Not that she had to remind me. Since he’d left the loft the night before, I hadn’t stopped thinking about his hands on my waist, the way his rough, calloused pinky had caressed the skin just underneath my tanktop.

Shaking away my memories, I said, “I’m pretty sure there are rules against that sort of thing. This is his job—and my safety—we’re talking about.”

“I just don’t see why you can’t mix a little business with pleasure while you’re in exile.”

“You know why,” I told her, my voice uncompromising.

I hadn’t been with anyone since I got sober, and the recommendations were pretty clear about when and how a person in recovery could begin a new relationship. Not that I was looking for any type of relationship right now—and certainly not with a man who I was paying to protect me—but physical intimacy was also supposed to be off limits. Recovering addicts sometimes had a hard time separating the physical act from the emotional one, and often fell into using one vice as a replacement for the one they could no longer tolerate. Since my two issues had been alcohol and sex, it made sense for me to stay away from men until I was certain I was strong enough to handlethem.

And right now, I was convinced Ash would be too much. Too strong. Too demanding. Too insightful.

“You’ve been sober for eighteen months,” Charlotte reminded me needlessly. It wasn’t like I didn’t count the days like a talisman.

“I have,” I agreed. “And I’ve been celibate for even longer thanthat.”

Charlotte cast a furtive look at Gage again to make sure he wasn’t eavesdropping on our conversation. The silent sentinel was easy to forget. He was huge and imposing, and yet he seemed to melt right into his surroundings. I didn’t know how he’d come to work for McClintock, but I was sure it was those characteristics that made him such a good guard.

“Not that I’m out whoring it up each night—” When she realized what she’d said, her eyes wentwide.

“It’s okay,” I told her. “I know who I am and what I did, and I’ve made peace with all of it. You don’t have to bite your tongue.”

She looked away guiltily. “I know, but I still hate that word. Especially now with all of Ford’s fans picketing your music and calling you all those vile names on message boards.”

I smiled to put her at ease, but the gesture didn’t quite reach my eyes. I set my hand on her shoulder in comfort instead. “It’s okay coming from you. I know what you mean—and what you don’t. It’s just a figure of speech.”

“Right,” she said. “Anyhow, what I meant to say was that I’m not celibate and I’m freaking out about being locked away with Gage for two weeks. He’s kind of hot in a terrifyingway.”

I laughed for real this time. I’d sensed their attraction from almost the moment they met, and when I’d learned that Gage had been assigned to Charlotte’s detail, I knew it was only a matter of time until she broke down and admitted she wantedhim.

Still, it was fun to see her squirm.

“Terrifyinghow?”

“For one, he’shuge.”

My voice deadpan, I replied, “I fail to see the problem withthat.”

“Yes, well …” she trailed off. “Then there are all of his tattoos.”

“I thought you liked tattoos.”

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