Page 41 of Ashes to Ashes

I’m the only one who can save me. (Saveme.)

Balancing the notepad next to me, I reached for my guitar and plucked out the notes I heard in my head. I didn’t know how long I’d been at it when a knock startled me out of myzone.

“You got a minute?” Ash asked, leaning casually against the doorway.

My belly fluttered at his sudden appearance, and I smiled in his direction. I set my guitar aside and gestured for him to take a seat. “I’ve got all the time in the world these days. What’sup?”

“I just got off the phone with Rocky and Detective Staufferson, and I wanted to give you an update.”

As far as I knew, the police still hadn’t found Noones and I was seriously considering paying McClintock Security a large chunk of change to do what the police seemed incapable of accomplishing. The only thing stopping me was the surefire knowledge that whatever Dermott’s team would do in pursuing him would push the bounds of legality, and I didn’t know if I was ready to step over that line. Both Charlotte and Ash thought I was being naïve and foolish—Noones had threatened my life. They argued that I shouldn’t give him an ounce of mercy, but I’d lived with mental illness in my family, had seen the way it could change people. I still held out hope—albeit dwindling—that the police would find him and put him in an institution where he belonged.

“Oh?” I asked, a sense of dread settling in mygut.

Ash moved into the room, his stride purposeful. “Don’t read too much into it. There’s still no sign of him. He wasn’t popular and the friends he used to have were more than happy to see the back of him. He’s gone completely off thegrid.”

“Okay,” I answered, plucking at a string on the sofa cushion. “Was that the only reason they called—to tell you they were still being outsmarted by oneguy?”

Ash swore under his breath and pushed his hand through his hair, linking his fingers behind his neck as he blew out a frustrated sigh. We might not have known each other long, but being in such close proximity to one another without the distractions of the outside world had taught me a few things about his mannerisms, and I could tell he was holding something back. It’d been difficult hearing about Noones and what he’d done, but I’d gotten through it. I might have had a good cry, but that was out of my system now. I was ready to face anything head on and deal with it properly.

“If something important comes up, I want to be kept in theloop.”

“Most of Staufferson’s updates aren’t really anything of substance, but I am keeping you in the loop. I know how important it is for you to know all this stuff, but … I just don’t know that it’s productive isall.”

We fell silent, staring each other down. Sometimes Ash could infuriate the hell out of me, but all it took was one look at those fathomless gray eyes, always so serious and probing, and my anger fell away. Besides, it was hard to stay mad at someone when you knew their sole objective was to keep you alive.

Eventually, Ash dropped my stare and his eyes darted around the room. Several half-empty coffee cups were scattered on the worktops, ripped granola bar wrappers lay just outside the trashcan—I’d missed every time I’d tossed one that way—and a recycling bin full of empty water bottles completed the picture. The place looked like a tornado had come through.

“How are things coming along?” he asked, bringing my eyes back to him. “Making any progress?”

“No,” I answered, my tone more defensive than I’d meant it to. I sighed. “And it’s driving me crazy. I feel so out of sorts, and my mind is going in a ton of different directions all at once. I start in on something, only to abandon it a few minutes later. I can’t concentrate.”

“Looks like you’ve been working on something,” he observed, dropping into a seat. “Why don’t you play it for me and I’ll tell you if it’s anygood.”

“Gah, no,” I waved him off. “It’s allcrap.”

“Come on, I’m sure it’s great. You’re great.” Suddenly, he was back on his feet. Stepping close, he dropped his hands to my shoulders and caressed my exposed skin, bringing goosebumps to thefore.

“I’d just bore you,” I answered, my words coming out breathy.

“Nothing about you is boring.” He leaned close and whispered in my ear, “In fact, you fascinate the hell out ofme.”

I fought the desire I felt building inside of me. It was taking all my willpower not to melt at his feet. And the thing was, I knew he knew it too. And yet there was something infinitely sexy about the way he held me, how he let me believe I was in control when we both knew he was the one who pulled the strings.

“Seriously, though, I’m going crazy here,” I said, breaking the spell. “I need to buckle down and focus.” I turned away, but it didn’t help. I could still smell the faint, woodsy scent of his cologne, and it called to me. Beckoned me to turn back and lay my hands on him, use his body to break through this fog. That was a terrible idea though because every time we touched, I forgot about everything else and wound up naked. I still had carpet burns from the number of times he’d taken me right there on this very floor. One time, I’d ended up spread out over the dining room table like Thanksgiving dinner.

Pushing away those memories and the way they made my body tingle, I rose and moved to the table across the room. Attempting to ignore his larger-than-life presence, I opened my notebook to a new page and chewed on the end of my pen as I tried to quiet my hormones and focus on what I’d been doing before he’d comein.

Ash, however, had other ideas. He crossed the room and dropped into a squat at my feet, bringing us face to face. His eyes flicked between mine for a few quick seconds. “Am I allowed to tell you how fucking turned on I get watching youwork?”

Only if I was allowed to tell him how wet my panties got when he talked dirty tome.

Generally speaking, Ash was a pretty respectful guy. Oh, he could swear with the best of them when warranted, but in the normal course of our conversations, Ash wasn’t who you’d think of when you pictured a world-weary soldier. Most times, you would never know he even had a filthy, dirty, dominant side. And while I’d tried—many times—to resist that alpha version of him, I really, really liked it. More than I probably should.

Admitting to myself I wasn’t going to get much work done when my body was this keyed up, I closed the notebook and set it aside. And then I had an idea. A wicked one. I licked my lips and looked up at him coquettishly. “You can always tell me what turns you on … sir.”

Ash closed his eyes and groaned, and I chanced a look at the large bulge between his thighs. Was it possible my mouth was literally watering?

Suddenly, he surged to his feet and his hands dropped to his belt buckle. “On your knees.”

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