Page 45 of Ashes to Ashes

Chapter Eighteen

Rae

Ashand I danced around each other like weary, polite strangers forced into close proximity against their will. Which, all things considered, was exactly what we were. Ash just happened to be earning a sizable paycheck for his trouble, while I’d gotten a few amazing orgasms out of thedeal.

If nothing else, this situation had taught me a valuable lesson; one I didn’t intend to forget. From now on, no matter what my vagina or my heart told me about a man, I was only going to listen to my head. Logic and reason were the name of the game moving forward. Which would have been all well and good if it weren’t for what I did for a living. No artist alive would ever claim to do their best work when their brain was in charge. Nope. It was all about feelings and emotions and all the terrible things that had made me fall headlong in love with a man who’d never love meback.

And about two hours ago, I’d had to put all that vulnerability on display as we’d officially began recording my album. To say things were not going well would be an understatement.

With a sigh, I pulled the headphones off and stretched my back, hoping to work out the tightness and kinks that had taken over my upper body. I’d known today was going to be emotionally difficult, but I hadn’t expected to encounter physical pain in the process. Pressing my fingers into the muscle where my spine met my skull, I tried to knead away the tension headache that lurked there, ready to spring. I really missed the masseuse Rocky usually brought in during marathon recording sessions.

“You want to take a few minutes?” Ash’s voice echoed through the recording booth’s speakers.

With a final roll of my head, I picked up the headphones and set them atop my ears. “I’m good. Let’s try it again from the chorus.”

“Sure, works forme.”

“Great.”

And that folks, was the type of conversations we’d been having for the last couple of days. I hated the stilted, formal tone our discussions had taken on; lots of good mornings, good evenings, thank yous, and you’re welcomes passed between us throughout the day. At least Ash hadn’t asked me about the weather. I wasn’t sure I could accept it if instead of “I’m going to fuck you now,” he looked at me one day and asked, “Fine weather we’re having, don’t you think?”

The guitar track I’d laid down the day before came through my earphones and I listened for the note that signaled my cue to sing. Taking in a lungful of air, I belted out the lines I’d been having trouble with all morning.

Drunk again

Another bottle ofgin.

On theroad

Another place that’s not myhome.

At thebar

Another stranger in mybed.

At the end of the verse, I let the note hang without picking up the next stanza, and when the guitar continued on without me, I dropped my head forward and groaned.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a break?” came Ash’s voice through my headphones. “I can make us some coffee.”

Gah. Quit being so solicitous, I wanted to scream. Instead, I dropped my head back and stared up at the ceiling. Removing the earphones—again—I hung them on their peg across the tiny room. “I’m going to take a walk to clear myhead.”

When I stepped through the padded door, Ash removed his own headphones and tugged on hiscoat.

“What are you doing?”

“You said you wanted to go for a walk.” He pulled his sleeves down past his cuffs and looked at me expectantly.

“I want to go for a walk,” I explained. “I didn’t say I wanted you to joinme.”

“You know the rules, Rae.” He punched in the security code to open the heavy door to the outside world. Less than fifty feet separated the studio from the main house, and it was connected by a glassed-in walkway. “You’re fine wandering between the house and the studio, but when you venture further afield, I have to be withyou.”

I ground my teeth together. Again. When this was all over, I’d need to make a visit to the dentist. I was pretty sure my crowns would need to be replaced as much as I’d been clenching my jaw. But first, I took a steady breath and turned to Ash. “There are no stalkers out there waiting for me.” I pointed to the wilderness outside. “And you said it yourself; Staufferson thinks he’s laying low because I’m supposedly in England.”

Ash’s jaw ticked, and I suppressed a satisfied smirk. Seems I wasn’t the only one grinding her teeth lately. “Staufferson and his team are grasping at straws,” he snarled. “They don’t have the first clue what’s going on in that asshole’s mind, so in the absence of any activity they can act on, they’re throwing out theories and hoping one of them sticks.”

“How comforting,” I replied as I stepped outside, Ash at my heels.

“Not really,” came his equally caustic response. He grabbed ahold of my arm and spun me around to face him. “You don’t have to do this by the book, Rae. Let us takeover.”

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