Page 46 of Ashes to Ashes

That got my attention. If ever I’d met a by-the-book type of guy, Ash was it. If he was recommending we call an audible, I needed to listen. “Meaning?”

“Meaning, McClintock isn’t hampered by rules and regulations the way the policeare.”

“Cut the cryptic double speak and give it to me straight.”

“Fine,” he breathed, dropping my arm and running rough fingers through his hair before gripping the back of his neck. “There’s a reason all Dermott’s guys are Black Ops, Special Forces, mercenaries, and the like. You want things taken care of quietly and efficiently, you go to him. This whole fucking babysitting gig isn’t really in the regular scope of how wework.”

“Oh, poor baby,” I cooed snidely. “Pardon me for not showing an adequate amount of sympathy. My fucking life is at stake, and here you are whining that your fucking job isn’t exciting enough. I’m sorry my well-being is such a goddamn hardship for you.” When Ash’s face remained blank, I jabbed my finger into his chest, hoping for a reaction. I didn’t get one, so I kept on going, venting my rage on him. “And just so we’re clear. This ain’t fucking babysitting. It’s babysitting with a side fucking. Which you instigated.”

I pressed my palms to his chest and pushed, but he didn’t budge. I pushed again, putting every ounce of strength I had into it as I continued yelling at him. “Is that your specialty, Ash? Are you the big dick Dermott calls to keep clients like me happy and complacent? Are you the big bad alpha who gets assigned to the damsels in distress so you can fuck them until they forget they’re in danger?”

When I went to shove against him again, Ash caught my hands in a vice grip. “Think very carefully about what you saynext.”

“Or what?” I challenged, pulling my hands free and slamming them onto my hips. “Or you won’t talk to me anymore? Ha! Or, I know … maybe if I keep talking you’ll get so fucking fed up hearing my voice, you’ll leave me out here to fend for myself. Perfect! Go! At least then I won’t have to go around walking on egg shells, worried about upsetting you with actual conversation.”

His voice calm—his tone deadly serious—Ash said, “I’m warning youRae.”

But I had the bit between my teeth now, and I wasn’t about the let it go. I was overwhelmed with a metric ton of pent-up frustration from this whole ordeal, and it felt terrific to unleash it on him, the source of my wounded pride. So rather than behaving like a rational adult, I mocked him instead.

Putting on a deep voice, I mimicked his ominous tone. “I’m warning you Rae. I’m warning you that I’m a fucking prick who will break your heart. I’m warning you that I can’t be bothered to know anything about you except for how to make you come. I’m warningyou—”

My next words were lost when Ash squatted down, threw me over his shoulder, and stalked back toward the house.

“Put me down you Neanderthal!” I screamed and pounded on him with balled up fists. “Fuckingstop!”

He smacked my ass and the sound reverberated through the trees. “Be quiet.”

“Fuck you!” I shrieked, slamming my fists into him again and again. “I said put medown!”

He didn’t.

Instead, he kicked open the front door and marched us toward his bedroom where he tossed me onto his mattress. I bounced hard but before I could scurry away, Ash was on me, caging me in with his powerful thighs and irongrip.

“Get off me,” I breathed, desire and fear mixing in my bloodstream to form a heady cocktail of lust and panic. “Let mego.”

With Ash’s face scant inches away, his eyes searched mine. “You want to know why I don’t talk to you? Why I won’t let youin?”

Fearing if I spoke I’d never get the answers I desperately needed, I nodded wearily.

“I’m not a good man, Rae,” he said. “I ruin everything I touch.”

“You haven’t ruinedme.”

Ash’s eyes raked over my face, and down to my heaving chest and then back up. “It’s only a matter of time.” He loosened his hold on my wrists and sat back on his haunches, my legs still immobile between his thighs

Propping up on my elbows, I said, “You’re talking in riddles. Help me understand.”

“Are you sure you want toknow?”

I nodded. “You know so much about me, but you’re a complete mystery. I want to know you, Ash.”

“Even if it means when you look at me you see a killer? A man not worthy ofyou?”

Tentatively, I slid my hand to his thigh. “When we met, I was in a really bad place. I hadn’t hit rock bottom yet, but the crash wasn’t far off. You know what I’ve done. Who am I to say who’s worthy?”

“That’s different,” he whispered, his voice turning to gravel. “You never hurt anyone but yourself. What I did though …” He looked away, his guilt a tangible thing hanging heavy on his shoulders, weighing him down like a ton oflead.

In the face of something heavy enough to bow a man like Ash, I asked myself if I could truly face the truth. He’d called himself a killer. He’d been in the Special Forces, so it stood to reason he’d been involved in some heavy combat. I could only imagine the things he’d seen, what he’d been forced to do—to endure—in the name of duty. If that’s what this was about, he didn’t need to tell me the details. Not that I didn’t think I could stomach hearing them, but I didn’t want to make him relive something so traumatic.

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