Page 70 of Ashes to Ashes

She blanched. “You can’t go homeyet.”

“I can, and I am,” I countered. I’d already spoken to my doctor about it. He’d advised me to stay one more night for observation to be safe, but had admitted they couldn’t keep me if I were intent on leaving. Having been here for almost a week already, I had no doubt I’d recover just as well from my ordeal at home in my own bed. And since Dermott had already arranged a nurse to come by for the next few days to monitor my progress, at this point I was only taking up space some other poor fuck mightneed.

The nurse stared me down, but I stared back, just as intense. The quicker she realized this was a losing battle, the sooner I could call Rae pick me up. Eventually, she nodded. “Fine, have it your way,” she said exiting theroom.

As I waited for her to return with my paperwork, I heard a commotion in the hall outside my room. Shuffling to the door, I saw Rae standing near the reception desk signing autographs for both doctors and patients alike. She smiled warmly at every one of them, asked their names, and thanked them for their support. She was in her element, basking in their love and adoration. Meanwhile, all I wanted to do was hole up in the woods and keep her locked away with me there forever.

Finally, she made her way to my room with a bag in one hand and a bunch of balloons in the other. “I brought your clothes,” she said, passing me the parcel. “And these are from the guys at McClintock.”

I groaned and rolled my eyes. “Stupid fuckers.”

“Hey!” she chided. “Be nice. They’re glad you’re on themend.”

“No, they’re mocking me,” I explained, stepping into a loose pair of cotton drawstring lounge pants. Not exactly the height of fashion or what I was used to wearing, but for the long drive back to my place, I supposed they would do. Shoving my head through the neck of a thermal Henley, I said, “Give ‘em to some kid or something.”

Rae stared at me, her lips pursed in agitation. “I mean this as nicely as possible, but what crawled up your ass and died? I thought you’d be happy to be going home. You’ve talked about it non-stop for the last threedays.”

“Nothing,” I murmured, pushing my arms into a flannel jacket that smelled like dog and wood smoke. Finally, some clothing that smelled like home instead of the faintly chemical scent of the inside of a department store. “I just want to get out ofhere.”

The nurse stepped back into my room then. “You’re all set, Mr. Devereaux. We just need you to sign these forms, and you can be on your way.” She passed me the clipboard and then turned to Rae. “Good morning, Miss Griffin.”

“Hi Shirley,” Rae said, stepping in for a quick hug. During the time I’d been in the hospital, Rae and the charge nurse had become close. “You get those CDs I left for you last night?

“Yes, thank you. My Daniella will be thrilled. She adores your music.”

Rae flashed her a sweet smile. “I’m soglad.”

“Where are my boots?” I interrupted, rummaging through the bag and coming away with a pair of brand new Ugg slippers instead. “I specifically asked you to bring my black boots,” I accused, holding them up for inspection.

Rae put her hand on her hip. “And I didn’t want you bending over to tie them, so you’ll wear those.” She pointed at the fluffy brown moccasins in my hand, and we glared at each other for several long seconds, locked in a silent stand-off.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Shirley said, backing out of the room. “Good luck with your album, Miss Griffin. I’ll be rooting foryou.”

When the door snicked closed behind my nurse, Rae took two steps forward. The fire in her eyes dampened as they flicked between mine, searching. “I’m serious, Ash. What’s wrong?”

“And I told you,” I said, slipping my feet into the soft wool. Shit, that felt good. Still, I wouldn’t let Rae know that or I’d never hear the end of it. “Nothing is wrong. I just want to gohome.”

“Fine. Let’s go,” she said after a few beats, letting the balloons float to the ceiling. She stepped out of the room without making sure I followed behind.

As I followed her out at a much slower pace, an orderly approached with a wheelchair. “Have a seat, Mr. Devereaux.”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” I groaned, eyeing it. “I don’t need that fucking thing. I can walk just fine.” I straightened up to my full height when I realized I’d been slightly hunched with pain as I’d walked from my room into thehall.

“Sorry man,” he said. “Hospital policy.”

“Can I sign something indemnifying the hospital against liability for my actions?”

He quirked his brow. “I think you just asked if you can sign a waiver, and the answer is no. So, in yougo.”

“For fuck’s sake,” I muttered as I sat in the chair and adjusted the foot plate.

Rae marched on ahead of us without a word. Shit. If she was giving me the silent treatment instead of trying to talk some sense into me, I’d really fucked up. And yet wasn’t it better if we went our separate ways now than if we tried to make a go of things and she ended up resenting me in the future? No matter what she might say about needing me more than fame, I’d seen the look on her face when she was signing those autographs, and she loved being the center of their attention. I’d always known I wasn’t good enough for her, but this had confirmed it. I wasn’t enough for her, period.

She needed more than I could give her. She needed the entire world, and I was just one man. Just one miserable loner of aman.

“What’s this?” I asked as the orderly wheeled me out the sliding double doors and up to a Subaru Outback.

“My new car,” Rae said, pressing the fob to unlock the door. Holding it wide, she stepped to the side so I could getin.

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