Page 101 of Keep Me

The awkwardness in the room clung to the air, and after taking a sip of my water, I dusted off the lint on my dress. Matty wasn’t talking, and I knew it was because I was out of line. I shouldn’t have yelled at his dad, but I couldn’t sit there listening to them berate him any longer. My senses were on high alert as I waited for Matty to unleash some hidden fury on me.

“Matty,” I sighed his name as we sat next to each other, staring at the blank TV screen. “I’m, I’m sorry,” I blurted out, and cringed. Why couldn’t I be normal around him?

“For what?” Finally, he looked at me for longer than five seconds. His eyes were so dark they almost looked black.

I huffed out a laugh. “For everything. For the way I spoke to your father.” Biting my bottom lip, I closed my eyes. “And to Olana.”

“Britt.” The way he said my name was heartbreaking. It made me feel things I’d lost so long ago. Things like hope. Things like belonging. Things like this was it.

He moved down the couch, and cupped my cheek, coaxing me to look at him.

His eyes were deep green and glassy. I couldn’t decipher his expression as he watched a single tear drop down my cheek,using his thumb to wipe it away. We were so close to having everything, but somehow, it still felt like the Pacific Ocean was separating us.

“Please don’t be sorry.” His touch soothed me in ways it shouldn’t, but it had been such a rough night, I would let myself be comforted by it. Even if it was just this once. “That was the most badass thing I’ve ever seen someone do, and the best part about it was you did it for me.”

“What?”

“No one has ever stood up for me like that. You were passionate. You were fiery. You were my fucking wife, and I’ve never been prouder of anyone.”

Those words. It was all I wanted to hear over the last few hours. That he was okay with what I did. Matty leaned in, and just as our lips were about to meet, I couldn’t do it. Taking in a sharp breath, I pushed him away.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered.

I leaned my head against his and toyed with the edges of his shirt. “Matty, I love you so much.”

“So do I.”

“I don’t think I can do this, though.”

His eyes dropped, and my stomach turned. I was sending so many mixed messages, but something didn’t feel right. We’d rushed into things last time, and I didn’t want to make the same mistake.

“Do what exactly?” he murmured.

I looked at him for all of two seconds before chickening out and staring at my bottled water.

“This.” I pointed between us. “Because after tonight and everything that happened between us, I think you need some time to be just you. I didn’t realize how bad things were with your father and Olana. I mean, I knew she was tricky, but I didn’t realize she was a manipulative bitch.” I placed my hand onhis knee and continued. “I think you need to spend some time understanding yourself before you jump into a new relationship with me.”

“I would hardly call us a new relationship, considering I’ve been in love with you since the minute I knocked my s’more into yours.” He thought about it for a minute and raised his brow while chuckling. “Well, actually, I guess if I’m being completely honest with myself, I fell in love with you the minute I saw you sitting next to the fire. With an untied shoelace, you looked like a frightened deer ready to bolt if anyone came to talk to you.”

My eyes lit up, and my chest cracked open. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly, but I didn’t want to be a rebound. I wanted forever.

“Doesn’t change the fact that we can’t do this. Not right now at least.” I dropped my gaze. It all seemed like the right thing to say, but when the words came out, I felt regret. Pushing away the guy I loved wasn’t right, but neither was kissing or having sex with him when he hadn’t worked through all the shit from tonight.

“Where did the Britt go from dinner? The one that was willing to fight for me and told me she’d wear my mother’s ring?”

“That Britt woke up to the reality that you need to focus on figuring out who you are. I want you to be damn sure you want to be in a relationship with me before we end up in a never-ending breakup cycle like you and Olana. I want you to figure out what you want in your life before you invite me in.”

“You,” he stated, placing his hand on mine. “All I want is you. Believe me, I’ve known it for the longest time. I’ve tried to ignore it. Hell, I set you up with my best friend because I hoped that it would make me forget about you. Obviously, it didn’t. Nothing will, Britt. I love you.”

Lifting my hand, he slowly kissed each knuckle, watching my reaction. Flutters of pleasure tingled through my body, and I washalfway to saying, “Fuck it” and letting Matty have his way with me.

“I love you, Matty.”

“I love you too.”

“But I’m not prepared to be a rebound.”

“What about tonight makes you think you’re a rebound in any way? You’re my first choice. Always have been.”

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