Page 59 of Keep Me

Growling, I slammed my hand against the brick, and the pain prickled across my palm, but I didn’t care. I could hit that brick until my hand broke. It didn’t matter. I still wouldn’t have Britt. I’d still be stuck in this same shitty situation.

“Matty. Calm down,” Olana said as she tried one more time to reach me. I turned away this time, and took a few deep breaths, annoyed at just how easily she could rile me up.

“How much did you drink tonight?” I asked, knowing that was one of the things the doctors told her she shouldn’t do.

“Surprised you even care,” she muttered.

Letting out a breath, I turned back to her. Her hands were fidgeting by her stomach and her bottom lip was trembling so much she was using her teeth to try to stop it. Guilt pinged in my chest, but I wouldn’t let it control me this time.

Britt might not have realized it yet, but she was mine. She could try to resist it and date other guys, but I was getting her back. Or, I guessed, I was getting her.

“I still care about you, Olana.” It was halfhearted because she made it difficult.

“But you don’t love me anymore, do you?”

She was met with silence. How could I? Frankly, after being with Britt, I was almost certain I never loved Olana to begin with. She was a high school girlfriend I clung to for too long because being with her made me feel like things hadn’t changed. Like my mom was still here. Like my dad hadn’t started going to bars when he thought I was asleep. Like everything was okay.

I’d been sleepwalking through life, letting Olana drag me along, and it was only now, being with Britt, I realized how much more I wanted for myself.

Olana shook her head, laughing incredulously. I was certain my facial expression told her everything she needed to know. Her bottom lip quivered, and she looked down at the concrete. Sometimes she made me feel like I was a terrible person when I was only telling her the truth.

“I knew it.”

I closed my eyes, ready for her outburst. We’d had arguments like this before. She was used to me giving in, but I couldn’t this time. Not with what was at stake.

Not just for me, but for her and Britt. When Olana dropped that bombshell in Vegas, she expected it to be her smoking gun to getting me back, but she’d lost her touch. I could finally see through my rose-tinted glasses and recognize the manipulation. We weren’t supposed to be together, but that didn’t mean I would just leave her to handle things on her own.

My mom wouldn’t want me to do that, and I’d do everything I could to protect her memory.

“Why were you drinking tonight, Olana?”

She looked down, refusing to meet my gaze. “I know I shouldn’t have and it was wrong, but what do you expect me to do? I’m on my own, and I need help.”

“I already told you I’d help you financially.”

“But emotionally? Who have I got to help me there?”

I bit back the words I wanted to say. She’d driven every friend from high school away, and now she was coming to me, bitching about that fact. It wasn’t my fault she constantly played the victim and people got sick of it.

“I can arrange a therapist for you.”

She laughed bitterly. “Is that really what you think I need?”

“That’s all I can give you, and I would appreciate it if you would stop following me everywhere.”

“I’m not following you.”

“That’s a joke, right? What were you doing here tonight?”

Her lack of response gave me the answer I needed.

“You showed up at my friend’s wedding in Vegas and blindsided me with some pretty huge news. You can’t do this and expect me to fall on my knees and support you without a second thought all the time.”

She raised her hands. “What did you expect me to do? You won’t answer my calls or texts. You didn’t come back home for the summer, and I had to come to Vegas because it was the only time I knew where you were. It wasn’t like my news could wait.”

My news.Always so selfish. Always about her.

“You need to give me time and space, Olana. Wait for me to respond to things. I’m figuring out how I can support you best. You want a house? Fine. I’m in the process of finding you one. You want someone to talk to. I’ll find you the best goddamned therapist in the country, but what I won’t do is sit here and pretend that we’re the same people we were in high school anymore. You know damn well why we’ll never be together again.”

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