Page 38 of Silent Desires

Me:You wish.

Max:I do.

Max:Send me a pic of you, I want to see you.

Me:I’m still in bed.

Max:Even better.

Me:I can’t.

Max:Pretty please with a cherry on top?

Me:Fine… hold on.

I hold the phone over my head with the pillow below me. It’s better than the cement walls around me, and then I fumble to teach myself how to take a photo. When I’ve finally figured it out, I send it to him.

Max:Sweetheart…

Me:Yea?

Max:Are you sure I can’t come break you out of there? You look so beautiful and sad, I just want to stare into your eyes and find out if your lips taste as good as they look.

The first time I read that, I dropped my phone in shock. I’ve re-read that line at least twenty times, trying to understand what I was reading. I might be naive, but I know that isn’t the way friends talk. I didn’t know how to respond to that. I’ve never had a boy talk to me like that before. Then again, before this week, I’ve had almost no interactions with anyone outside my family in years.

But besides that, there are others to consider. I’m not sure I can be close with him while having to be around the others and pretending I don’t have feelings for them too. Jasper would be around all the time at school, and it would be so uncomfortable. I care for both of them equally. I have no right to have any sort of relationship right now, anyway, not with the way my life is.

Right now, my focus needs to be finding a way to get out of the house for good. And I couldn’t do that if I was drooling over a bunch of guys… really, really kind guys, who also happened to be drop dead gorgeous.

I must have taken longer than I thought to reply because he’d already texted me again before I had a chance to respond.

Max:I’m sorry, did Iscare you off?

Me:No. It’s just…

Max:It’s ok sweetheart. When you’re ready. Jasper is giving me weird looks, so I’m gonna start a group chat with him and you.

I appreciated his understanding and thoughtfulness about changing the subject.

Max:Tell us something about you, what’s your favorite drink?

We proceeded to share our favorite things, drinks, games, and subjects in school. Of course, mine was pretty limited to what I knew before my father left and everything changed.

Jasper:Tell me your happiest memory?

That one really had me stumped. I tried to remember something specific from when my dad was around. But now it was more like an echo of feeling happy, with no specific memory attached to it. I thought about the past week and had a handful of good memories with these men. I wanted them to know I valued our friendship and what it meant to me.

Me:Can I pick more than one?

Jasper:Yes.

Me:When I met each of you.

Max:Sweetheart, you met me after being bullied by that dickhead.

Jasper:And you met me after passing out from a panic attack.

Me:I stand by my answer. Same question to both of you.

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