“But true.”
“I will consider this, but maybe I want to believe there is good out there among people who gain power? Like you.”
“And you.” He pulls me closer and kisses me. Such a kisser this dragonshifter.
A little breathless, a little aroused, I gather myself. I’m next. He’s said what he wanted to.
“So, Rorsyd. Maybe I’m not as good as you think. This thing I have to say might make you detest me.” I bring his hands closer to press my lips to the backs. I’m trembling.
He lifts my head with a finger under my chin. “Never. What is worrying you?”
“I…” I swallow. “You know how this shifting ability comes and goes? I’m to blame.”
“Blame?” His frown is a deep one, drawing ridges on his forehead. “You’re interfering? Somehow? Stopping it?”
“No. I healed you, twice.” I glance up, meet his eyes. “While you slept. While you were unconscious and drunk, and after you killed the enforcers.”
“Wait. That’s not possible. I shifted for the first time in twenty yearsbeforeyou did anything.”
“That.” I shrug. “I don’t know why that time. Desperation? But the others were due to me. Inside you there is scarring and dead matter. I think because you’re immortal your body tries to heal but can’t, so part of you is stuck unhealed—not living, but also not putrefying or infected either. I’m sorry. I should have asked you.”
His face is scarily still.
“Not living? I have dead dark matter inside me?”
“I’m not sure if it’s the same. But similar.” Very much so.
“Ugh.” He releases my hand. “That you can heal me is good, I guess? It is. But you did not ask! That’s a violation of trust.”
I knew it.Fuck.“You hate me?”Please, please, no.
“No. Of course I don’t.” But he stands and walks away across the patchy snow, facing away from me for so long my heart begins to hurt. Then he spins and comes back.
I don’t see anger there. I’m sure I don’t.
“I could never hate you. I’m just circling up there with those eagles, a bit lost. You healed me, even if temporarily. I’m not whole without being able to shift, but you have been playing withdarkthing matter inside me. You should have said. How do I get rid of this?”
“I don’t know. Doing that might kill you. It might remove your shifting ability entirely.I don’t know!” Gods, I shouted that. “Please, tell me if I am forgiven. It was wrong, and I knew it and…I love you.”
He opens his arms then closes them around me, and rocks me against him, mumbles into my hair. “It was wrong, but I would never have thought you were doing this because it seems impossible. Promise me you will always ask before doing anything else like this.”
As if there is anything like— Okay, I am a necromancer. I have no idea what I might do, find, or discover.
I nod. My hair rustles against his jacket. “I promise. I will ask you.”
“Good. Yes. You are forgiven. What do I do when I try to shift and fail?”
“Ask me? You know I’ll just keep helping you until you say, no more.”
“Until one day…your healing might stop working.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.”
“I need to check myself, to see if the flaw has returned. I thought I was slowly healing by myself.”
Now I hear sadness.
“I’m sorry.”