Page 92 of Spring Awakening

“I can’t see a way out,” he whispers, his cheek against the top of her head. “They’re going to keep moving me. I won’t be able to buy them out because I’ll move up and down. I don’t even know what happens when I’m too old for anyone to want me anymore. I’ll be doomed to play in the local league until I’m sixty-five and they steal the last of my pension.”

“Well figure it out, baby. It’s going to be okay.”

“Devon has been cashing in on it since the start,” he says, and Mali pulls back. She’s furious. Why is there never anyone there to protect him? “You are the best thing in my life. And I need to keep us casual,” he whispers. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to leave you, and I can’t imagine doing it at all if you look at me like you did last night.”

Mali hugs him harder. Everything she wants is slipping away. “You’re my best friend first.”

She doesn’t tell him that she’d go with him if he asked, because she’s not sure that she would. There’s no doubt in her mind that she wants him forever, but he’s right. He might get moved again. He might end up right back here in a year, and she’ll have given up her house for nothing. Buffy took months to be happy here, and they only moved three roads over. She wants to be with him, but he said he wants to keep it friendly. That he can’t imagineleaving her already. She can’t make it worse when it’s already so hard.

By the time the door knocks, Mali has stopped crying, and she feels like the entire world is going to burn to the ground. Or that she might burn it to the ground. She can’t figure it out. Zach is acting like Zach, but a sad version of Zach, and it makes her want to pull her heart out of her chest. It would hurt less. Mali places the food on the table as Zach grabs the door. There’s nothing she wants to do less than entertain Frankie, especially seeing as her and Zach don’t actually have to be mates anymore. He’s leaving. Fuck, he’s leaving.

But he has to tell Frankie anyway, and Mali’s still half hoping that the Goliath sponsorship could fix it all. She hasn’t mentioned it to Zach because she doesn’t want to give him hope. Frankie has already said yes, but they have no idea when the funding gets here if they do say yes. So, she still might get lucky, but right now, it doesn’t feel that way.

“Bro,” Ezra says.

“Oh, hey,” Zach says. Mali smiles when they enter the kitchen, and yes, she could try and make her face look happier, but she doesn’t have it in her right now.

“What’s wrong with you two?” Frankie asks as she sits down.

“Sorry,” Mali groans. “I’m being a Debbie Downer.”

“I’m moving to Scotland,” Zach says quickly, and Mali’s already crying when he looks over at her.

Frankie is livid. “You’re what?”

Zach sighs, and Mali hugs him, and she wants to kiss him on the shoulder but that doesn’t sound friendly.

“Have you heard of Hardship Fortune contracts?” he asks, but Frankie is still looking right at her. “I signed one when I was thirteen, and it’s still ruining my life, to this day. I’m surprised they didn’t have to tell you when you signed me.”

Frankie frowns. “We barely made the league. I wasn’t looking at contracts particularly well. Fuck.”

Mali sniffs, moving away to grab a tissue, and Zach places some water on the table.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “We invited you around so I could apologise for my comments last season and try and make nice, and now I’m fucking everything up anyway.”

“It’s not your fault,” Frankie replies. “Well, the comments were, but I was being a bit of a bellend anyway. The contract’s fucking shit. I dunno how they’re even still legal.”

“I had one,” Ezra says, as Mali piles some food on Frankie’s plate.

“How did you get out of it?” Zach asks, with a desperation that slices at her skin.

He shrugs. “I didn’t. I went to the premiership.”Mali swallows. It’s going to be fine. It would have been fine if Zach hadn’t told her he wants to be casual, because yeah, him moving to the other end of the country is not ideal. But he’s her home. Where she lives means nothing to her; she wants to be with him anyway. Long distance is never what she wanted, but she wants Zach more than anything else.

Ezra’s shoulders relax a little when he talks next. “Thanks,” he says, as Mali places his plate down. Zach finally sits. “I did everything they asked me to do—sponsorships that meant nothing, or worse, were unethical—and I saved until I could buy myself out. Then I ran straight back home.”

“How long did it take?”

Ezra looks over at Mali, then back to his plate. “Three years.”

Mali chews on her lip. “Three years isn’t even that bad, hon—bro. Dude.”

“What?” Frankie says with a light laugh, and Zach smiles too.

Mali shrugs. “We’re being brave about Zach leaving, because if we don’t, I’m going to have a breakdown, and you’ll miss me at work,” Mali replies.

“Uh-huh.”

“What if I’m only there for a year and we get relegated?” Zach asks, and his voice sounds neither chill nor brave. Mali didn’t realise he’d thought this much about it, but she gathers he has to think about it every year. “What if I fail and I’m stuck in some shitty town, and I can’t get out? What if three years is too long to be away from you?”

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