Page 245 of Back in the Saddle

And I was such an idiot for bringing it up.

“I shouldn’t have mentioned it,” I replied.

His face got hard. “Don’t ever, babe, not ever think that.”

“We were having a moment,” I pointed out.

“I’m still having that moment, being with my woman and our cat—” Tremendous, he thought of Henny asourstoo—“and she gives a shit enough about me to want me to have my family close during a holiday.”

“I’m glad you look at it that way,” I mumbled. “Instead of me fucking up by bringing it up.”

“With the holidays coming, we were bound to have this conversation, and there would never be a good time,” he noted. “I can’t say it doesn’t fuck with me that at one point in my life I had a family. And then one night, I didn’t. But I can say I’ve learned to live with it.”

I rubbed my lips together to stop myself from replying.

He watched me do it, and when his eyes came back to mine, he whispered, “Fuck. It messes you up too.”

The lip rubbing failed when I went back to blurting, “She died on Christmas Eve, Eric. And I haven’t even mastered frying a hamburger. I don’t know how to?—”

I stopped talking when the pads of his fingers dug in, and he dropped his forehead to mine, his nose resting atop mine, and I felt like a total bitch, mentioning it and making him feel what I felt coming from him, blasting into me.

He slid his nose down the side of mine, lifted away, and said softly, “You learned I lost her last week. I’ve been living with it for decades. Do you honestly think I’m not looking forward to whatever dress you’re gonna wear to that holiday party at the Oasis and sitting around for five hours on Christmas morning while you unwrap all the presents you bought Henny?”

Awesome!

We were having Christmas together!

“My tree is white with black and silver baubles,” I warned him. “And we’re putting it up tomorrow night after I get home from work. Which is no biggie, since it’s super narrow, though it’s tall.”

His lips tipped up. “Copy that, Wylde. My Christmas tree is massive and we’re decorating it this weekend with Luke and Ava and the girls.”

Oh yeah.

Right.

He’d told me about this. Luke was first up to fill in at NI&S due to their short staff situation here in Phoenix. He was arriving the next day, staying with Eric while it was his turn in the rotation, but his wife and kids were coming to spend the weekend with them.

I grinned. “We have a plan. Now, I have to create a menu. Tree-trimming finger foods. Shrimp cocktail. Chicken satay. Meatballs. And some kind of Christmasy dessert that has ginger in it. And with the girls there, we’ll have to have an after-trimming activity. I’m going to have to think about that, but a Battle of the Best Christmas Song might be in order. I just have to figure out how that’s gonna go. And find time to buy some posterboard to create brackets.”

His deep chuckle rocked my body.

I wasn’t sure what was funny.

“What?” I asked.

“Babe, it fucks with me I’m gonna live a life of boredom with you in it. But I’m down to make that sacrifice.”

Even though the words “live a life…with you in it” made me feel all gooey, I rolled my eyes.

He kissed me.

Obviously, while he did it, I stopped rolling my eyes.

Then, since I was leaking, I had to get up to clean up.

Henny, who had anointed himself the Official Bathroom Visitor, came with me.

Henny and I went back to Eric.

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