Page 132 of Back in the Saddle

“Sex workers,” I corrected.

“Whatever,” he replied.

“Not whatever. They’re my friends. And I’m older than you, and all grown up, so you can’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”

“I’m all grown up too, Jessie, not that you ever noticed.”

I snapped my mouth shut, wounded.

My brother didn’t seem to realize he’d cut me.

He asked, “Can you imagine what it feels like to have everyone fucking taking care of you all the fucking time? Especially you. Your whole life, all you seemed to be about is getting in my shit. You live and breathe to take care of me like I’m still a kid, and you need to get the fuck over it.”

I swayed back at the power of that blow.

“Brother,” Javi said in a low,dude, uncoolvoice.

Jeff visibly reined it in.

But the damage was done.

Because, I’ll remind you, I was stubborn and could hold a grudge.

And this grudge was fixing to last the rest of my days.

I looked beyond him to Javi. “Am I free to leave?”

“They’re comin’ for you,” he replied, and to Jeff. “Means we gotta bounce, man.”

“Who’s coming for me?” I asked.

“The Nightingale men,” Javi said. “They track your car. They also track your phone.”

My phone?

“It’s a good neighborhood, they’ll find you in here, but you can wait on the sidewalk,” Javi continued as he and Jeff made a move toward the door.

Jeff turned back, so Javi did too.

“Jess—” my brother began.

“Save it,” I bit off. “I don’t get it, because I don’t have it, but I can empathize that your illness sucks.”

“Yeah, you don’t get?—”

I cut him off.

“But I’ll leave you with this. My life isn’t about you, Jeff. It’s clear your head is so far up your own ass, you don’t realize that. That said, when you disappear for six months, and I’m looking under overpasses and behind dumpsters and spending money I can’t afford on bottled water to earn the trust of a community of people who don’t have a lot of trust left in them, it’s because I love you. It’s because you’re my brother. It’s because you were the only solid thing I had my entire fucking life, and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. I know the man you are. I know you’re smart and capable. You aren’t the only one who has issues, you just have a particular one that needs managing. And yeah, I worry about that. Not about you managing it, just about you needing to cope with it. What you’ve been so fucking selfish you didn’t see was, I have issues too. And they don’t always involve you.”

With that, I pushed through them and got to an open-air breezeway of an apartment complex.

I was stopped when Jeff caught my arm.

I looked at my brother’s handsome face, and it almost broke me, because I loved him so much, and he’d just laid me out. Fortunately, being as insanely pissed as I was held me together.

“I just wanted to give you a break from me,” he said quietly.

“I didn’t need a break from you,” I replied. “But I guess now I need to figure out what to do after losing you.”

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