Page 111 of Unloved

“Come in, Ro.” She smiles over her coffee cup at me.

“Morning,” I say, taking the seat at her desk and dropping my backpack to the floor. I cross and uncross my legs.

“So, you know I adore you, girlie.” She laughs, tucking her hair back. “You’re so smart and talented, and I’m so lucky to have a girl like you on our tutoring team and in my prep cohort.”

“Thank you.” I blush, relief settling my nerves.

“Of course.” She takes another sip of coffee, leaning forward across the desk. “Now, here’s the one thing I really need to chat with you about. Your cohort.”

I swallow a little harder, wishing I had something to drink to clear my throat. Angry at myself for forgetting my water bottle.

“Tyler told me you broke up, which”—she raises her hands—“is none of my business. However, he also said you’ve been difficult? Making things harder on the team? Not coming to events anymore?”

I’m not difficult. I barely even see the team enough to be a “problem.” I don’t come to events because I’m not invited. Tyler is in charge of the entire thing—he is doing this all on purpose.

“Okay…” I trail off, unable to think of how to respond.

“Listen, Ro, I like you. I do. But I need team players on my team. Those willing to put their differences aside, to not be bitter about the past and be able to work with people they might not get along with.”

My cheeks flame, her tone like she’s chastising a child. I hate it, squirming in my seat, desperate to ask her if I can quit and leave.

“Hey—”

As if I’ve somehow fallen into the pits of hell and summoned the devil himself, Tyler appears in her doorway.

“Oh! Sorry, Dr. C., I didn’t know you had a meeting this early. I’ll come back.”

“Actually, Tyler, we were discussing Ro’s performance on the team.”

“Really?” Tyler smirks, eying me in a way that makes my stomach drop. “Well, if you’re looking for some more opportunities to work and get to know your team better, we’re going to lunch today.”

“That’s great, Tyler!” Dr. Tinley smiles at him like he’s announced a cure for cancer. “Perfect, right, Ro?”

No, not perfect.I have tutoring with Matt today and I promised I would meet him for lunch beforehand. Not only that, but after the other night, I really want to know where things stand between us.

“Sure,” I say.

“And,” Tyler says, “we’re all meeting at my house on Thursday night to go over a couple of things before the applications are due. I think it would be really important for you to be there, Ro.”

I think it’s really important for me to be anywhere else but with Tyler, for my own mental health and healing. But losing my spot on the team or the respect of Dr. Tinley are both things I can’t really afford right now. Not with decisions over the internship program looming in the distance.

“Sounds great,” I say, despite the regret I immediately feel.

By the time I make it to the coffee shop inside the library, our usual meeting spot, Matt is unpacked and halfway through the homework from last week. His eyes drink me in as I slide in across from him, my cheeks heating to match his already flushing skin.

It’s easier to see the embarrassment now that his summer tan has completely faded, his skin much paler than my deeper undertone. But we’re both cherry tomato red and avoiding the elephant sitting heavily on the table between us.

We work quietly for a moment, only Matt’s phone playing “As I’m Fading Into You” by Belvins adding limited relief to my anxiety. I tap my pencil against my mouth to the beat.

“Please don’t be embarrassed about Saturday,” he blurts out, his hands slapping the table, pen spinning out from his grip. “Seriously—we can just forget it ever happened.”

It lands like a punch to the stomach.

“Is that…” I swallow a hard gulp, reaching for his pen and twirling it in my fingers. “Is that what you want?”

His brow dips, frustration and fear mixing plainly across his face, walls down, vulnerability intoxicating even now.

“Isn’t that what you want? I mean… we’re friends.” He finally wrangles the words out. “But I—”

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