Page 121 of Unloved

“What are you doing here?” I want to laugh and hug him, enough that my fist tightens on the strap of my backpack.

“I went to the library first, to your office, everywhere. I started here, so I just…” He trails off with a light shrug. “Came back here after my class. I figured you’d have to show up sometime.”

His class—meaning he’s been sitting here since 2 p.m.?

“It’s nine o’clock at night.”

“Shit, is it?”

He struggles to stand up for a moment before I reach my hand out to help him. He doesn’t use the leverage, but reaches for the skin contact anyway, not bothering to let go once he has my hand gripped in his.

“You sat here for seven hours waiting for me?”

“I’m really shocked they didn’t call campus security.” He furrows his brow, as if really considering it. “Actually, that’s concerning. Maybe you shouldn’t live here anymore. You can stay at the Hockey House.”

His suggestion is so quick and mildly absurd I can’t help but laugh. Until it dissolves into a hiccuped sob.

“Hey, Ro…”

He pulls me into a hug, arms over my shoulders so I shove my face into his neck.

“You scared me.” I shake my head, nose rubbing against his hoodie and his throat. “I thought you… I was worried about you all night, dummy.”

I pull away and shove his chest lightly.

“I know.” He scratches the back of his neck, face still a little pale as he chews on his bottom lip. “Can I come in? I mean, unless you’re busy. Which…” He smacks a hand to his forehead. “I can’t believe I didn’t think about that. I know you’ve been really busy and I’m sorry I take up so much of your time, but Iamdoing better.”

He’s barely pausing for a breath, even as I unlock the door and walk in, Matt trailing behind me.

Letting himself in while continuing to discuss whether he canaskme to come in.

“The math class substitution thing? It’s great—I feel really good about it. And.” He bites down on his pinkened lip. “I wanted to say thank you again.”

“It’s nothing,” I say, dropping my backpack next to our shoes bythe front door. “Seriously, it’s what they should’ve been offering you from the beginning. Did you not test for your math credit?”

“I, um… no, actually. They let me put it off, for—um, because of my mom being sick. And then I think I got lost in the shuffle.” He shrugs again, eyes stuck to the sticker tile of our kitchen flooring.

Matt pulls on the string of his hoodie, looping it around and around his finger, unwinding and winding it over and over. “Anyway.” He huffs a breath and blushes as he looks around the dorm. “I don’t remember where I was going with that.”

“You were asking if I was too busy for you to come in and talk,” I say before grabbing two juice boxes—all we currently have that’s not from the tap—and handing him one.

“Right.” He shakes his head, embarrassment coloring his cheeks further. “And I invited myself in anyway. I can leave—”

“Sit down, Matty,” I say softly, passing him with a squeeze on his arm before settling into one of the mismatched wooden chairs.

“I don’t have to, really,” he smirks. “But I like when you boss me around.”

The flirting would be fun, but it’s not real. He slips it on like a mask, the same one he’s used before—but it’s chipped and damaged enough that I can see him through it. The insecurity. The shame.

“I want you here.”

The words strike him, and the insincerity melts away to a shaky trust. “Yeah?”

“Matt,” I say. “I called you, like, twelve times.”

“Sixteen, actually,” he blurts out, shaking his phone in his hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer. I was—it was a bad night for me.”

“We all have bad nights,” I reply. “But you’ve helped me with mine. It hurt not to be able to help you with yours. You hurt my feelings, but you really scared me.”

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