Page 134 of Unloved

She leans close enough that some of her bright red hair trickles over my jacket. It makes my shoulder jerk, as if she’s touched bare skin.

“How’s that going, then? She gives you the answers and you give her an orgasm?”

The accusation makes the alcohol in my system sour to poison, and I don’t really want to do the shot the bartender places in front of me. Instead, I’d like to run to the bathroom, knock on the door until Ro lets me in, and kiss her. Tell her exactly how I feel.

Carmen’s allegation toward me is one thing; I can handle it. I’m used to it. It’s the slight against Ro that makes me furious.

I finally move, tossing back the shot and shaking my head at the woman I once looked at like she was everything I’d ever wanted. Whose attention I basked in nearly constantly, whose approval I craved.

Letting the flames of whiskey lick down my throat, I shove off the bar top.

“It’s not like that and you know it.”

“Right,” she says, and shakes her head.

I start to leave, but Carmen stands, her heels clacking as she steps to me and wraps a hand around my bicep to stop me.

“I’m not trying to be cruel, Freddy,” Carmen whispers, and I pause for a moment, my back to her. The sympathetic pity in her voice makes my head swim with memories. “I worry about you.You get these fantasies in your head, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“She’s not going to hurt me,” I say, but the conviction in my voice is gone.

Carmen is smart. So is Rosalie, both bound to do big things and wanting someone steady. Someone brilliant and well bred by their side. I was a fun-time distraction to Carmen—is that what this will become with Ro? Will she grow to resent what I can’t be for her?

You’re the joyride, man.Tyler’s voice taunts me.

“I begged her to get rid of you.”My dad, a mockery of my own voice.

“It was fun, Freddy. Don’t be ridiculous, you’re—that’s not what I need.”

I shake my head to clear the old Carmen, speaking softly to a younger, crying Freddy on the front porch while her husband watches.

“Ro is brilliant, and she has a beautiful life ahead of her. Don’t make a mockery of her. And don’t expect her to want…”

She trails off and my eyes flash.

“Don’t expect her to want more from me, yeah?” I laugh, feeling sick. “Trust me, I won’t make that mistake again.”

I say it like a promise, to her and myself.

Shaking her off, I slap down a few bills and step away, spotting Ro moving toward me with a bright smile that slowly disappears as she looks closer at me.

“Hey,” Ro whispers. “Are you okay?”

“I wanna go,” I snap, tone desperate and restless. “Can we go?”

She nods apprehensively but doesn’t ask before taking my hand. I’m shoving our way out as fast as I can because I can’t. Fucking. Breathe. Even the walk in the cold to the car does nothing to soothe me or cool my overheated skin. I’m sure my grip on her hand is too tight but my muscles won’t cooperate.

“Was that Dr. Tinley?” she asks as I spot my car.

“No.” I lie so fast I surprise myself.

She pauses a second before, “Who was it?”

“No one,” I huff, eyes wild as I turn back to her and unlock the car, whipping open the back door. “Get in here, princess. It’s freezing and I wanna warm you up.”

This I can do. This is who I am—the one thing I’m good at.

CHAPTER 48Ro

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